Some people can find purity-
in the heart of a twisted oak,
Where others see only despair.
(i like this but not quite sure what
your getting at.........maybe replace purity with
Beauty if thats what you mean. Even Happiness
would sound better.)
Some people can love the thorns-
of the fairest rose,
Where others find hate and malice.
(not a good metaphor, no one hates a rose
even if it does prick you.)
For many, their lives are drawn
in stark lines of white and black.
So simple and clear.
(I like this line but then
the next verse becomes repetitive.)
Yet so plain – no shape, no color
dares to brighten their lives.
No twisted oak or rose blooms bright.
(using different words can spruce up a poem
that becomes repetitive.)
There is no black, no white
no stark line drawn upon the ground.
No goodness, no evil, only hope.
(black and white again, you could say dull shadows
or something like that. )
I find no hate, no love, no perfect kiss
in my version of the world.
All I see is maybes, and the potential of tomorrow.
(Opinion I cant comment on.)
Life has no perfection-
but no flaws as well.
I dream of subtle shades of grey.
(I think capitalization of main words really
helps points stand out, for instance {Life has
no Perfection, but no Flaws as well.})
William Butler Yeats uses repetition in his formating, but boy he uses it well
Have you read Brown Penny? Thats how you use it.
Chao
Tamare
