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The Critique Saloon This is the place to post poems that you'd like to better by getting suggestions & constructive criticism. **NOTE** For formal critique only!

Yearning
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Old 09-10-2007, 11:35 PM
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Yearning
Under a blanket of layered dust
Sat a trinket of eternal trust
Still bound in all its glory
A remnant of a woeful story
Oh how the memories did linger
As it sought to find her finger
That’s what it craved the most
To resurrect Ella’s fleeting ghost
Cheated from her love
When the Death grabbed her from up above
Her ring then was taken
Only to be forsaken
How she wished to put it on
To wakeup to the morning dawn
And turn her head and gaze at him
To hold once more her darling Jim
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Old 09-12-2007, 12:37 AM
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Abby...this is sooo sad! I read a book like this once and it was a "lifetime" of painful yearning being lived out by a ghost who had died young and had to see everyone get old...her fiance married someone else...I really do hope that this is not the plight of anyone...

It's such a rich and "easy" emotional poem, however...of memories and missed opportunities...very nice!!

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Old 09-12-2007, 12:59 AM
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no its not anyones plight that i know i just pulled inspiration from other things. apparently i write sad, depressing, and dark poetry haha. and im the complete opposite
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Old 09-12-2007, 01:32 AM
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I know what you mean...sometimes I can take myself there...glad you are the total opposite though...

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