The Cannibalistic Woman

This is where you start to tear me down all over again,
we will slowly start to separate bone from skin.
Our lives will crumble to ashes all around
while changing your life without a warning or sound.
when we start to bring each other down the most,
we'll miss each other like the parasite misses a host.
Knowing what it's like to be torn apart inside,
but only feeling that this will be your last ride.
We are brought out, and molded at last
Still memories hold onto us, embracing the past.
This is why we fit perfectly like a glove,
and this my dear.. Is why we wished we were never in love.

Anonymous Encounter

i understand the point of the poem by the title but this might be a more exciting read if you weren't repetitive with the words 'this is' it still is interesting and a good poem, just work on not being so repetive. as well with the word 'molded' or 'molding' try and use differant words and it will keep the reader with the flow.

if anyone reading this disagree's feel free to say somthing

The Cannibalistic Woman

The repetitive aspect was a different angle I wanted to try out, but I believe you're right. Maybe less repeating of the same phrase over and over could add more.. interest? to the poem overall. I also fixed the 'molded' and 'molding' ordeal with a different word choice. Thank you for the helpful critiques

PaintedDiary

Hi Chelsea,

I found the poem very descriptive, interesting and haunting. In my opinion, I like the title and I agree with AE 100 % about the repetitiveness aspect, as well as holding your audience's attention for more fluidity. I am never one to change an artist's vision from what you first scribe, however, perhaps, the following example or some variation will help. I also separated the rhymes into two-line stanzas to help emphasize the beauty of your words, and for more breathing room so to speak amongst your lines. Hope this helps and I enjoyed the read very much.

This is where you start to tear me down all over again
where we start to separate bone from skin

This is how our lives fall to ashes all around
how your life is changed without warning or sound

Kimberley

The Cannibalistic Woman

You know, that would be a great way to do it. The repetition of This Is does get old throughout it, so I will try that out. I also like the separation idea. Thank you very much =]

SarahNSH

Hello Cannibalistic Woman!

Well, I agree with both Anonymous Encounter and Kim that the repetition of "This is" does take away from this poem and I think that it can be so much more stronger without this and bouncing around with how to describe each line. I read through your poem and I think that it is definitely easy to tighten up this poem and have it be as strong as the images and what you are saying inside of it without the line of "This is." Also, a possible suggestions for a title is: "Tear me down all over again" "A parasitic host" "Lives falling to ashes." But, I do know that picking a title for a poem is a very personal thing but I think that these are maybe some suggestions to hopefully help out with your wanting a more creative title for it.

Also, I think the two line stanza idea is definitely a great one and a great way to have the reader take a moment to pause and just enjoy the stanza and what you're saying. Okay, and I have a suggestion for how the poem may look without "This is" and I really do like how Kim suggested it too so whatever fits you better. It's definitely your poem and I don't like playing with a poet's words with their poem so I tried to keep it as close to your original as possible. But, I'm hoping that is helpful for you because I enjoyed reading this poem and I think this is a great look into the problems that couples go through together and that they face.

Here is my suggestion, though remember this is your poem and completely up to you:

This is where you start to tear me down all over again,
we start to separate bone from skin
how our lives fall to ashes all around
your life is changed without warning or sound
when we start to bring each other down the most
missing each other like a parasitic host

So, that's just a sampling of my thought of how you could work your poem. I think that this is an interesting look into what can happen with a relationship and that you tackled this really well. I hope that my suggestions are helpful and thank you for sharing!

The Cannibalistic Woman

Alrighty I took all of the ideas that I could at once, and rewrote it and changed a few things around :] Still sort of working on the title, but it is much better and there is much less repetition and it sounds much better :]
much much much thanks as well to everyone