Emotional RomanticIn love or have poetry that tugs at ones heartstrings? Please share your romantic tear-jerkers & emotionally draining pieces right here in this forum.
Always
this thread has 9 replies and has been viewed 96 times
Always
~
She whispered her heart to the wind
Her voice hushed, delicate
Gazing into her eyes
Those beautiful crystal blue eyes
Peering right back at me
~
I held her soft gentle hand
As we swayed in the wind
As lovers, shadows
Soul-mates stealing into
Our hearts with a rush of emotions
~
I counted paces as we seemed to be lost
Inside ourselves, our spirits
Forgetting who we were
As we devoured the passion
Quaffing its sweet savory nectar
As it eased slowly into our mouths
~
I kissed my words delicately
As my eyes were a utopian’s
Lost in reflection
Emerging from our hearts and soul
Whispering quietly “I love you”
JPiC Forum Sponsor Links • This Forum is enhanced with content-revelevant advertisings...
JPiC Whole-Post Ad Policy
Whole-Post advertisings are shown only to JPiC Forum For Writers' Guests. Once successfully registered, such ads will not be shown. CLICK HERE to register your 100% FREE JPiC account today and become an active Member of our Community for Poets & Writers!
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Dear Bear,
Your poems are soooooooo full of emotion and just drip with love...like true love. The kind of dreamy love that some only like me will enjoy in great poems like yours and others get to live that type of love that your poems describe. What I can say is that with each of your poems you take me to a different dream, a different utopia, and that my friend I thank you for. Love it Bear! Keep'm coming! :bravthanx:
Love ya!
Kim
The Following User Says Thank You to PaintedDiary For This Useful Post:
Thank you so much Kim for this magnificent comment. and I am happy that I can make you go to different utopia. Thats why I love writing love poems
hugs kisses
tom
Biography: I graduated from California Polytechnic College in Pomona, California in my past life. My first job was at a newspaper in the Display Advertising Department. I married, raised kids, horses, goats, chickens, dogs and cats for a seriously long time then escaped California to Georgia where I began real estate and stayed out in the woods entirely too long.
Surfs The Web With:
Libralight has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
Libralight has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Sara: This is a beautiful poem. I have a couple of issues if you are interested.
1) It seems as if in S1L3 The reader can't be sure who is doing the gazing because you've just been talking about "She" so it seems like it could be still her. And the subject of the whole has been "she" until we know for sure it's "me" but that isn't until the last word. It's unnecessarily confusing because it could be remedied easily.
2)Soul-mates stealing into
Our hearts with a rush of emotions
With these lines I found myself wanting it to say something that would bring the meaning to "stealing into each other's hearts" or even if you could make it into one heart constructed from the original two of them.
3)As we devoured the passion . Please consider "as passion devoured"
Quaffing its sweet savory nectar. Please consider "quaffing sweet savory nectar"
As it eased slowly into our mouths. Please consider "easing slowly into our mouths"
Because it sounds like "passion" is doing the devouring, quaffing, easing. The subject as it stands is good for the first two lines: "We" devoured, quaffing, but gets lost on the third line.
4)
I kissed my words delicately (I love this line!)
As my eyes were a utopian’s
Lost in reflection
Emerging from our hearts and soul
Whispering quietly “I love you”
There again, there is no subject for the last four of these lines, but you've got the verbs "kissed" for the first line, "were lost" for the second and third, then two gerunds.
If it was:
I kissed my words delicately
my eyes utopian
lost in reflection.
Emerging from our souls
they whispered quietly "I love you."
Then the subject would be switched to "words" instead of "I" and could stand for the whole stanza.
I haven't been sure if we're supposed to critique in this Romantic Section. I assumed we were not and I haven't been doing so until now. You very kindly did mine, so I felt like it was appropriate to make these suggestions to you here. Please let me know if this area is strictly for comment only -- I've already been in enough trouble this week. Of course, I always want my critiqued, as you picked up on. But maybe you do not.
Maybe we're supposed to put all poems for critique, regardless of topic into the CSaloon?
If that's true, then please excuse my doing this here. It's a lovely poem, and perfectly romantic.
The Following User Says Thank You to Libralight For This Useful Post:
First Kissed is use in this form and meaning "KISSED– TO MAKE LIGHT ANd MOMENTARY CONTRACT AS IS PASSING" FIRST she is gazing into mine then I gaze back into hers. I like the critique but I dont thing you understood from where I was coming.
hugskisses
tom
Biography: I graduated from California Polytechnic College in Pomona, California in my past life. My first job was at a newspaper in the Display Advertising Department. I married, raised kids, horses, goats, chickens, dogs and cats for a seriously long time then escaped California to Georgia where I began real estate and stayed out in the woods entirely too long.
Surfs The Web With:
Libralight has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
Biography: I am a poetry, short story, and Novel writer.
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Hey Bear!
As you know I find your poetry very romantic and sweet... and this one is no exception. I really do like the imagery that you have intwined with the romantic tone and nature of your poem. So, overall I found this another sweet and romantic piece of poetry from you and thank you for sharing it!
Than ok LIBRALIGHT I appreciated your comments truly
hugs kissess
tom
--------------------------
--------------------------
Thank you so much Sarah you a in my book
hugs kisses
tom
Last edited by Bear; 07-27-2008 at 05:31 PM.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
in my book 
