Anonymous Encounter

MsJacquiiC

Ooooo THEA - I thought this poem is especially sensual and definitely paints a picture of someone who's vulnerable to love but still accepts the challenge of finding love. I like how you have painted this delicate vulnerability. And the words... They just look so fabulous on the page IMO.

A very nice write and the rhyme schematic is so natural and unforced = Thanx for the sharing

Jacquii.

Anonymous Encounter

thank you, thats the best feedback i've gotten thank you for taking the time.

MsJacquiiC

You're quite welcome - it really is a delightful poem and I enjoyed it immensely!

Jacquii.

SarahNSH

Hello Anonymous Ecounter!

I really do like this poem of yours and I've read several other poems that you've written but unfortunately I haven't reviewed them. I think that you do a great job with imagery and using descriptive words to engage the reader and adds more to the poem. I enjoy how you use imagery in your poems and this one is no exception... One of my favorite lines in your poem is the two lines that MsJacquii pointed out.

One suggestion/point I'd like to make is:

Your arsenic lips taste sweet at first touch

I was thinking that the "arsenic" part of the lips would kind of defeat the sweatness of it... since that arsenic is a powdered posion and I wouldn't think would be too sweet to taste. Though I understand the meaning of where you might be going with it, like their deadly, dangerous lips and this does fit with your poem's theme as well. (Some other words could be tantilizing, So, it does work with your poem but I this is the only thing that I noticed with your poem to point out.

But, besides the above pointed out, I altogether enjoyed this poem and how you ended it as well. So, thank you for sharing!

MsJacquiiC

Hmmm - I actually liked the use of "arsenic" it made the relationship take on a dangerous type level where the person reminiscing is saying that she was a bit tentative at taking the relationship to a higher plane... Interesting suggestion though SARAH - it'll be interesting to see what THEA thinks about it?

Jacquii.

Anonymous Encounter

i like the use of arsenic as well, i agree with MJ here but thank you Sarah for glancing at this. its nice to know people have noticed a positive theme in my writing. (or not positive but noticable/good) i appreciate the fact that you both have sat down and thought about my poetry, that is why i write it. so people may sit and ponder it.