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Emotional Romantic In love or have poetry that tugs at ones heartstrings? Please share your romantic tear-jerkers & emotionally draining pieces right here in this forum.
One of my personal favs :)

Indecisive Incisions
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Old 07-03-2008, 12:28 AM
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Indecisive Incisions
Cut me open so you can see
The part of you that has become a part of me
Cut an incision down the middle of my back
To find the empty space for the spine I lack
Use care and precaution when digging in deep
For the sight of my being has been known to make souls weep
Climb inside and see what you have created
See what parasite has infected and invaded
Shards of glass fill my tongue so I can’t warn you of the danger
That deep down inside me will wait and linger
Waiting for another soul such as yourself to be a fool and search for it
Only to learn that ’it’ is only just a part of the whole bit
This disease inside of me, the doctors can’t cure
Because even they are too unsure
Of what all you did to completely tear me into this many pieces
Your attempts to play god and create laws go unnoticed,
because you haven’t even completed your thesis.



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Last edited by The Cannibalistic Woman; 07-04-2008 at 07:42 AM.
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Old 07-03-2008, 01:59 AM
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Well
This was defiantly a different take on the subject and I LOVED IT. This is where Im trying to get with my writing. Did I say i loved it? Where do I sign up for the course! Thank you for sharing.
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Old 07-03-2008, 07:49 PM
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Haha thank you :] Maybe I could start offering courses.. Thank you for giving feedback



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Old 07-04-2008, 01:15 AM
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this is a killer piece. never heard this theme put quite this way and my favorite part is the title, although i dont know what is indecisive about any of it.

zaac



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Old 07-04-2008, 01:30 AM
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Wow, this is just great, I love the rhythm, that easy rhyming that you have with your poem, and how edgy and strong this poem is with reading it... I like how you mention the part about the parasite and then the next line afterwards, though all of it together just reads strongly overall. For me the last line reads a little long with it and my feeling is to maybe break the line into two parts:

Your attempts to play god and create laws go unnoticed,
because you haven’t even completed your thesis.

In my personal opinion it breaks up this line and I like the look of it too, but of course this is just a suggestion and completely up to you. If you leave it as is it works great and doesn't take anything from your poem. I love the imagery you have in your poem as well and how strong your imagery is. Your title of your poem is also very catchy too and I really like the sound of it. Anywho, I hope you find this review helpful and thank you for sharing! I can see why this is a favorite of yours, it's one of my favorites that I've read of yours too.



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Old 07-04-2008, 07:41 AM
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Thank you Zaac, the Indecisive part about it was partially meant to question the person doing the incision if they really wanted to cut inside of me or not. Hope that helps some

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarah, I can't thank you enough for all the replies I think I will break the last line apart how you mentioned, it was starting to bug me with the lengthiness too :] Mm I've glad it could be a favorite of yours as well.



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Old 07-04-2008, 01:31 PM
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gotcha...but it almost seemed like you were just willing to lay on the table and see if the person would really cut you.

zaac



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Old 07-04-2008, 07:03 PM
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Yes, that's what I get from it to. Almost like, "Here I am cut me if you want, or don't cut me. It's your choice."
I like your interpretations of it



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Old 07-04-2008, 07:16 PM
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Great penning Chelsea this is a very edgy and strong expression of love/hate, and how it cuts right into your very soul. excellent writing
hugs kisses
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