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Emotional Romantic In love or have poetry that tugs at ones heartstrings? Please share your romantic tear-jerkers & emotionally draining pieces right here in this forum.
take it any way you want it

My Candy Bar
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Old 06-20-2008, 10:17 PM
  post #1
The "Mystic" Poet

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Icon1 My Candy Bar

My Candy Bar


My candy bar,
No nuts, no raisins.
Can be milk chocolate,
Or just plain dark.
I get a little temptation,
every time I see it.
I open the wrapper,
And look at it with passion.
I take a bite out of it.
Not even chewing,
Just letting the taste fill my mouth,
And entice every part of my body.
But sometimes it's not good to have it all at once.
So I put it back in the wrapper,
And save it for next time.
My candy bar.



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Old 06-20-2008, 11:33 PM
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Hmm this is a start at what could be a fantastic poem Fabiola.... If you would like some suggestions please enter it into the Critique area and I can show you a few tricks and others will as well. Or you can leave it as is .... even in this simple form it is Good. I myself am not a chocolate eater... it makes my throat swell... but ooh sour candies and I am there lol.

Thanks for a delightful read.

Mysty



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Old 06-21-2008, 04:35 PM
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This was charming and delightful.
I enjoyed very much and yes I love chocolate too
so I can relate. Very cute poem!



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Old 06-22-2008, 12:46 AM
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My tastebuds work as well as my sense of smell does, which means I taste hardly anything. My last taste of chocolate was of a candy bar with some cheap chocolate in it. Yuk! I did love chocolate at one time, lol.

I liked the poem, and yes like Mysty said, if you put it in for Critique, I'm sure she can show you some tricks which will make this great poem, stand on its hind legs and dance for you, lol.

I found it just fine the way it is. It's simple and to the point, just the way I like my work. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

Gail



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Old 07-01-2008, 12:24 PM
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haha cute poem. i like the subject matter, how it is so uncommon. good job



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Old 07-12-2008, 09:49 PM
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The "Mystic" Poet

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thanks for the comments.
--------------------------
--------------------------
thanks for comments and suggestions.



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Last edited by mysticpoet729; 07-12-2008 at 09:49 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 07-27-2008, 10:44 PM
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i definitly like chocolate and this is a really good poem that describes what i would do with my candy bar, i don't know if u like putting candy bars in the freezer but its good that way espicially a snickers bar. good poem.
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Old 07-29-2008, 09:39 PM
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The "Mystic" Poet

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thank you



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