Time Slipping Sweet - Poetry in Color Forum
 


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Emotional Romantic In love or have poetry that tugs at ones heartstrings? Please share your romantic tear-jerkers & emotionally draining pieces right here in this forum.
i will also post this in the critique saloon...

Time Slipping Sweet
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:40 PM
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Time Slipping Sweet
A glittering epiphany soars my soul to wondrous heights
Widening my eyes to natural effervescent sights
It does silken my flesh to the touch of the sun’s rays
Delighting my senses to love’s tickling ways;
Lingering night still yet resides within my breast
But with pink luminescent web’s I am still dressed
My tongue savoring the sweet taste
Of your oncoming arrival-make haste!
Within the arms of my black widow I will entwine
Singing the beauty as our heartbeats rhyme
Caressing the simple, awe-inspiring cheek
Of the woman whom with I love to speak.
Eyelashes curled around chocolate sweet eyes
Age-old words tumble from my plump red lips and rise
To leisurely slip into fond, willing ears
An enlightening repetition; redundant through the years
Secure in a nest of rose petal soft skin
Let the happiest moments of my life begin.
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Old 07-13-2008, 04:22 AM
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hm I'd have to say this one is too sweet to just enjoy it as a whole for me, so I'll try to explain some of my favorite lines

Quote:
Of your oncoming arrival-make haste!
This line just made me giggle a bit at all the times you would tell me to rush over to see you

Quote:
Eyelashes curled around chocolate sweet eyes
With this line, I loved that you used Chocolate, seeing as it is sweet on it's own, it made the whole line itself even sweeter

Overall I loved every bit of it, so like I said it was hard to pick just one solid thing I liked about it most thank you for sharing



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Old 07-13-2008, 08:04 AM
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Oh this is sweet and very beautiful!
You have written some great imagery
and the flow is smooth as butter.
Very romantic and lovely.
I very much enjoyed, thank you



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Old 07-13-2008, 01:24 PM
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thank you both for your wonderful replies i am a bit of a romantic i will admit haha. i'm glad it was enjoyed.
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:45 AM
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Haha wonder who helped to make you such a romantic..



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Old 07-15-2008, 01:46 AM
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Haha wonder who helped to make you such a romantic..



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Old 07-15-2008, 02:13 AM
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Hello Anonymous Encounter!

Well, this is just such a sweet poem and very romantic... and I really enjoyed it for that sweet and romantic tone of your poem. And I liked how you began your poem too, with the great imagery that you had going on and the ending of your poem is romantic and I enjoyed it. I do have a suggestion though:

Lingering night still yet resides within my breast
But with pink luminescent web’s I am still dressed
-

I have one suggestion to make with the above lines which I highlighted in bold. I would suggest maybe removing one of the "still" just so that the word is stronger and doesn't feel redundant. With the first highlighted line I'd say that yet may be removed and here is what what I'd suggest:

Lingering night resides within my breast
But with pink luminescent web’s I am still dressed


I know that with this poem all of the line lengths match up perfectly so I don't know if this would throw off what you have going with the line lengths matching up so nicely. But, as you know with all of my suggestions it's just a suggestion and completely up to you, the poet.

Overall, this is another poem of yours that I enjoyed! Thank you for sharing and keep on writing away!



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Old 07-15-2008, 02:38 AM
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thank you very much i always enjoy your replies. usually i catch redundancy so its funny to have someone else point it out. i didn't notice how sweet it really is but it must be everyone has said that haha.
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