~Serenity~

Dear to my heart, and very personal. Also 100% true - made it very hard to write as I almost ALWAYS fabricate 90% of my idea, even if it's based on truth. A bit of a long story for me, but I couldn't make it end any faster. Ehehe well, here it is, no further explanation necessary.

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

Un-Broken Habit
Sitting here, amazed to see
It's my two month anniversary
Since my last cut, it's been so long
Since I thought, "hey maybe it's wrong."

I don't wanna remember, but that's a lie...
Dogs playing beneath a twilight sky,
Sitting in a room set up just for me
In my summertime home with dearest family...
The lights were out, all were sleeping,
Into the darkness I went creeping.
Pulled out my special knife,
Memory of my other life
Where I live a lie
Trying not to cry
'Cause everything hurts, I'm so confused,
Feeling tired, worn, and so abused.
Sitting in a strangers bed,
How dare I lay down my head!
They think that I'm okay
But I'm wishing I could say
Every hurt that's on my mind;
How desperately I'd leave life behind.
But the lie's too big, too deep,
So instead, while they'd sleep,
I'd shed two tears -
One red, one clear.

Can I believe it's been so long,
Can I beat the habit I find so wrong?
What if I came clean about it all,
Would they believe their angel could fall?
Guess that's why I'm sitting here,
Trembling all over, sunk in fear.
I write my story, not sure why,
It's a call I've answered with a cry.
And I wish I could apologize
For living so long in all these lies.

But twos months is far too long,
This pain, rebuilt, is far too strong.
So if you see the ones I love,
Ask them to tell me of heaven above.
I lost my faith, my hope, my way,
So don't waste the breath to pray.
Soothe me with your stories please,
As tonight I return to ease
This knife deep into my tender skin -
Two months gone, I thought I could win.
~Serenity~

erikestabrook

if this has basis on reality thats frightening,
usually only talked about by storytellers,
the story of this and the lines are absolutely blessed in sadness,
I couldn't have enjoyed this more.

~Serenity~

Thank you very much Erik I certainly hope it isn't too frightening! But you're right; in fact, it's more than just -based- on reality. It is reality. You'd think reality would be easy to write, hehe. But we're all story tellers here on JPiC! That's part of what makes it so fun I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

Altree94

Oh Sweetie!
This whole poem tells me that there is something you really do not understand! That something is called, "UNCONDITIONAL Love"! This is when no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you act, no matter what you feel, no matter how hard you try to push someone away - you are still loved and wanted. This cannot happen between a man and wife - Their love is conditional upon how they treat each other. It only happens between blood relatives like parents and children or grandparents and grandchildren and the sad thing is - it doesn't ALWAYS happen. But if you are one of the lucky ones, grab hold and hold tight! YOU are one of the lucky ones.
LYL,
Auntie Tree.

Benny

cutting...there are many kinds of scars, eh? deep work, muse.

~Serenity~

TY Aunt Tree!

And Thank you, Mr Benny! I don't think I've seen you around here before, have I? Well, either way, it's certainly nice to have your comments.

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

MsJacquiiC

Hey SERENITY - it's a wonder what humanity can drive one person to do... Sad sad poem... Even sadder that I can relate to the pain of this.... Thing...

Sadder still - that humanity dare look upon my smile, my bare back, my fat ass... and not spontaneously combust from the guilt that lingers in their rotting soul...

Simply excruciating - Sometimes I wonder if it truly be easier to simply cut and be done with it The B-I-T-C-H within won't dare let me LOL

Thanx for sharing this write. Perhaps someone'll see how their actions hurt and STOP HATING with special gifts...

Jacquii.

ps - did any of what I just said make a lick of sense?

~Serenity~