erikestabrook

You brighten everyone elses day
who needs the sun
I know it shines I know it cares
but it doesn't even compare to you
I'm running for air and I still breathe a
How do you Do
If we all use our shine and say whats in our mind
then I'd feel around close to what you make me feel

Caught in a daze catching some rays
while the feedback is astonishing
Up on the mountain we're wondering
when will all the stars come down
While I'm staying in the shade of your heavenly face
if I knew something more would it all be a waste
who needs the sun
when you shine just as bright
who needs the dark
when we make our own light
who needs the ocean
as vast and deadly picturesque
I get more than them from one caress of you

Amzy

A very good poem, Erik. Have you considered removing all the punctuation and using either uppercase or lowercase to start your lines? Right now it seems sporadic.

erikestabrook

No I've never done that before It a good suggestion but I'll think on it since i've done it this way for about 2 years

Altree94

Erik! What a beautiful thought you have written down here! I was so caught up in the flow of your words that I did not notice the punctuation. On re-reading, I have to agree with Amzy that this poem would benefit by using cc cumming's style. cc cummings wrote all of his poetry with no capitals and no punctuation at all because he believed that they drew the reader's attention away from his words.
This was a very enjoyable read!