ChrisA

Here's an essay I've written recently.

http://www.escapeintolife.com/FILES/Essays/TheStruggle.htm

The Struggle is with Myself



One of my deepest experiences of life is a feeling of constraint, limitedness, boundedness. I desperately want to exceed the boundaries of myself; I want to go further and farther but something is holding me down or pushing me back.

Always there is the part of me that wants to stop running. I am tired, my muscles ache, self-consciousness overwhelms me.

Or, there is the part of me that wants to stop writing. My mind doesn’t want to focus anymore, I’d rather rest my head on a pillow and fall asleep.

The body contracts. The mind contracts. I feel these limitations on myself, but I also know that if I give into them too regularly then I will not grow; I will never become more than what I am now.

Part of training oneself is learning to not give in to thoughts. Part of training oneself is cultivating determination. I listen to the body when my mind is weak. I find that the body has its own energy, its own momentum, its own wisdom.

When I am running this is the rhythm that I listen for. When I am writing this is the flow that I am aware of.

By paying constant attention to the flow of running or writing, and learning to identify with the experience over the ego, I develop a resistance to self-defeating thoughts. In my opinion, all thoughts are self-defeating, because all thoughts contribute to self-consciousness and identification. Whereas surrendering to the experience propels me forward into the unknown territory of my unlimited potential. The ego is unfamiliar with what it has never done before, with what it cannot imagine. The present moment of experience is intense because it has not yet been assimilated by the ego. Thus, to identify with the present, with the beating of the heart while running, with the absorbed state of writing, contributes more to growth and expansion.

My writing is an effort to free myself on many levels. I can tell the difference when I am articulating myself on the superficial level of thinking and on the deeper level of the heart. And, there is an even deeper level of the soul. Conventional verbiage is a mask. Poetry aims to pierce the mask of conventional language.

We are bound by societal conventions. But we are also bound by self conventions, the cults of our personalities that limit our growth.

My discipline is born out of a desire to be the “free artist of myself.” If I can discipline myself then I can also determine myself. Self-direction and self-determination are the secret to self-fulfillment.

The aim is liberation. But we are the slaves of ourselves. We seek to release our genius, and excel at whatever we do. Genius is buried within us all like a hidden jewel under layers and layers of self-defeating thoughts and limited self-definitions.

Self-mastery is no other than liberation. The struggle is with myself.

Holly

Wow. That's incredible! Totally true, well-written, and just wonderful! Well done!

MsJacquiiC

Goodevening CHRISA - This is some brilliant piece of writing about self-motivation. Even moreso is the theme that if noone else is gonna motivate me, I've got to find the inspiration deep within my heart!

Very nice message: this piece!

Thanx for sharing it!

Jacquii.

PaintedDiary

Dear ChrisA,
I will say that this is soooo inspiring and yes a beautiful masterpiece about motivation. I think you can sum it by saying, intrinsically is where you have it, way down deep. Make me want to do a self-evaluation. Thank you for yet another wonderful piece of your world!

Kim aka Painted