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    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon » Final Edit

Final Edit Post your final revised write in this section. Good luck on your publication endeavors!
Im done! Final critiques accepted, and wanted, also possible new title? Hmm...

To be without you
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Old 04-23-2008, 05:27 PM
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Icon11 To be without you

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
And doing so I must inevitably say:
Without you, my life would be worthless and gray.

For to be without you, is to be without the warmth of sunlight
To be without majestic trees, wondrous flowers or irreplaceable sight
For without you, I am encompassed in a dark inescapable night.

For without my joy and bliss of having you by my side,
My adoring eyes would fade to a dull gray; for all night I have cried

Heavy tears would pool beneath my feet, my sorrow on the ground.
A swift river would form beneath me, and claw me desperately down
I’d give in to the thick wetness, and pray to drown.

For to be without you is to be without life
To be without you gives no reason to fight
Without you, I would give up all hope of joy, purpose or light.
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