Just remember, hon...you asked for it. Put your thick skin on.
Paragraph one.
Odd use of a comma in that opening sentence. It reads like Rebeca was reading in the 1800's, but the logic of the story says that this should be a time reference for the town, so remove the comma.
Your second sentence is a fragment, I can't tell it the girl or the town is plagued. If you change the period after 1800's to a comma, then the town carries the plaue.
The young trio were interested... As odd as this sounds, a trio is singular, so it should read 'young trio was interested'. Trio refers to the group, not the individuals.
Paragraph 2
The town felt watched, or the trio felt watched, or Rebecah felt watched? Right now it reads like the town felt watched, but the rest of the paragraph indicates that this is not what you meant.
Townspeople is one word, or town's people if you want to use two words.
You have an overabundance of the word 'they', especially considering that you have two groups. Some of your pronouns could be referring to either your triad or your townspeople.
There should be no comma after 'these people'.
Paragraph 3
Railroads go through towns, where railroad stations generally don't go anywhere.
No comma after faced.
The town elders probably did more shuddering than shuttering while talking to Rebeca.
Paragraph 4
This paragraph comes across as a little disjointed. Try describing the librarian before the reporters talk to her, then have her go flushed after she sees Rebeca.
No comma after stench.
Quill like should be hyphenated. Quill-like.
Paragraph 5
Mens lavoratory should be men's lavoratory, with the apostrophe, not upper cased.
If the comfort level ROSE to evil, what did is rise from? Perhaps the comfort level dropped?
Anna Bordeaux was the most beautiful woman in town, and that she had many men. hmm...perhaps Anna Bordeaux was the most beautiful woman in town. Clippings revealed that she'd had many men.
Paragraph 6
The librarian was grousing like they had never seen? Odd, that. I would expect heard instead of seen. The verb grouse is to complain, isn't it?
Paragraph 7
Again, don't uppercase the men's lavoratory.
Nowhere is one word.
Drop a period after found, and make the burning stench observation its own sentence.
Librarian and Library should not be uppercased.
Paragraph 8
How big is this library, I thought Rebeca had already run out in the last paragraph?
Rebeca scared, tired, and frightened for her life asked... should be Rebeca, scared, tired, and frightened for her life, asked...
God forbidden is usually hyphenated, but I'm not sure if this is a language rule or an author's preference.
The person covered from head to toe...in what? Soot or blanket?
Paragraph 9
While 'shined' is a proper past tense for the verb shine, it is usually used to refer to the act of polishing something, like 'you shined your shoes'. Shone is the proper past tense for something that glittered.
Rebeca knew in her heart
THAT she should not board. No comma.
'To find a pen, and paper she folded.' should be 'To find a pen and some folded paper.' No commas.
'Instead she pulled out the key, and the mirror.' should be 'Instead, she pulled out the key and the mirror.'
Paragraph 10
If you must make your sentences long and broken, try a semi-colon here. '...picked up the picture; however...'
The enscription should be enclosed in quotations. "..."
The Following Text Is Quoted:
Rebeca had an idea to run, however, she was shackled, and knew she was next. Anna told Rebeca that they laughed at them, and she warned the town that she would get revenge, and that now she could be beautiful again, and live as she did before. As soon as Black Annie burned Rebeca's flesh, in her beautiful furnace, of her beautiful train. Rebeca was the last to disappear.
There are far too many commas and "ands" and disjointed thoughts in this section for me to read coherently. Use a quote from Annie to make it more readable. Annie could use a speech or a soliloquy here.
Last paragraph
It's unusual to see an epilogue in a short story, but it's a nice touch here. I like how you differentiate between Rebeca and Rebecah.
Overall impression
You have a great plot and story line. You need to massage the wording some to get more suspense and 'Edge of your seat' effect. Some of the sentences are run-on and broken with commas. That sort of detracts from the suspense. Cory and Noel don't need surnames, as their characters didn't develop.
