Creative Traditional:

[Anonymous Encounter]

shaded eyes; shaded dreams
pale nude skin softened by rain that gleams
a throat ripping scream held inside; wearing at the seems
franticaly running from the dark, drafty things.
the ghosts that circle round, so near; so far
spells entwining with the smoke of afar
writheing demons dancing with angels of flesh
white skin and charred remains begin to mesh.
who am i but a broken doll?
eyes of glass forever enthralled
limbs of porcelin, hair so fine
neatly placed on a pedistle to avoid time.
sing of my virtues; cry out my name
slap my fragile face so i may be tamed
my glass eyes will plead, my porcelin limbs will wrap myself,
but your claim has been made,
and you have hidden me on your high shelf.

[MsJacquiiC]

Hey THEA - you posted in the wrong section = Moved to Creative Traditional... ALSO feel free to introduce yourself over at the Member Introductions section - Note also that you may comment on other Members' writing as well as post your own.

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This poem is quite intriguing - there are some elements that I'm really liking - The subject matter for one is dark & bleak - I like the more abstract works really and you do lean towards some novel abstract concepts:

The Following Text Is Quoted:

limbs of porcelin, hair so fine
neatly placed on a pedistle to avoid time.
sing of my virtues; cry out my name
slap my fragile face so i may be tamed
my glass eyes will plead, my porcelin limbs will wrap myself,
but your claim has been made,
and you have hidden me on your high shelf.

This last part of your poem was interesting as I get a kind of sadomachism/voyeuristic type feel reading these lines, as if the one who has been sat upon the "high shelf" might actually enjoy the acclaim? It's an odd thing, an eery feeling, seeing the "glass eyes" pleading while the "porcelain limbs" wrapped around as if rocking back and forth in some sort of subservient haven...

Yeah - I'm probably way off with this one - but I think you could do well to tidy up the phrasing a bit, correcting the spelling and punctuation without forcing the rhyme scheme and you'd have an interesting gothic type poem on your hands.

Thanx for the sharing. And please post back - What is this write about anyway - Seems some interesting inspirations went in to the creation of it - What are they?

Jacquii.