Creative Traditional:

[JolieH]

Broken Promise


The ship came across the sea
carrying a broken promise.
The heads of its victims
scattered about the deck
like a London bridge
before humanity was born.
~
I heard the news,
had to keep course
it’s true of time,
a lesson to wear
like a torn dress,
beauty its purpose,
legend its curse.
~
The love was intense,
the break even more,
dignity swallowed
like half chewed meat;
it hurt going down,
even though I knew
from the start
how the story ended.

[butchiesmom]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by JolieH

The love was intense,
the break even more,
dignity swallowed
like half chewed meat;
it hurt going down,

I'm not sure whether this is a historical reference, if it is please elaborate, or whether it's a reference to someone who broke your heart. Either way, this is a vivid and emotional poem it was my pleasure to read!

hugs,
Gail

[mslit]

I think this poem is powerful with image. I especially like the last stanza, which could absolutely stand on its own. Anyone who has ever been there is transported back through the "rawness" of that section.

[Eric]

This is very good. Strong, confident images. Great words

[PaintedDiary]

Jolie..this was amazing! You captured my full attention! Images were phenomenally transcendent to the or an memory of which you are writing. I am in awe of this piece here! What was your inspiration? Thank you for posting and an excellent rating!

Kim

[SarahNSH]

Hello!
I'm new here, a poet myself and I read your poem and I really enjoyed it... I'm also wondering if this is a historical reference or a break-up poem, especially with the ending, but I'm glad I came across it.

First stanza grabbed my attention and I liked the four last lines with the first stanza because this really intrigued. I think that you use your words really well and I especially liked this:
dignity swallowed
like half chewed meat;

I got the image of swallowing dignity even better with your reference to it being like half chewed meat. Choking slightly on the way down because it's not fully eaten and that was a great reference to use. The ending of your poem was strong and I think you did a really good job.