horse and fire

solo · 04:37 AM

Horse and Fire

A trembling equine vision haunts the still
tranquility as each new day is born
a shadowed form and tumbling hoof beats will
disrupt the oyster-pink of quiet dawn

What evil thing pursues this panicked mare?
that flees with fright no matter that she tires
Her flanks sweat-shiny and her nostrils flared,
she answers thus: Smoke! Burning! Fire!

But there is neither smoke nor flame to see,
no towering inferno at her back
The earth's a dew-kissed dark serenity,
the pre-dawn land-scape silent and ash-black

It is her fiery past she flees with dread
The fire rages only in her head

MsJacquiiC · 03-12-2008, 05:31 PM

Ah! To escape the binds of ones own questioned humanity... I see desire in this piece SOLO - the desire to (despite all self-imposed inprisonment) be free as the wild mustang running in an open range....

This is quite a lovely sonnet - I love the free-flowing rhythm you have - and the hint of abstract - reminds me of my own writing in a way - the way the lines blend into each other so softly...

The Following Text Is Quoted:

A trembling equine vision haunts the still
tranquility as each new day is born
a shadowed form and tumbling hoof beats will
disrupt the oyster-pink of quiet dawn

The 1st stanza I had to quote - because it is so beautifully rendered. "oyster-pink of quiet dawn" presents such a lovely visual! I can almost see the sunrise just from your descriptive. Quite nice = really.

But getting to the substance of your poem:

The Following Text Is Quoted:

It is her fiery past she flees with dread
The fire rages only in her head

This is most interesting and quite a pivot, as I was thinking perhaps the mare is running from captivity, but the captivity is only in her mind. O! That we may have freedom from ourselves LOL - Quite a write indeed - and very enjoyable = Thanx for sharing it with us

Jacquii.

solo · 03-16-2008, 06:18 AM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by MsJacquiiC

Ah! To escape the binds of ones own questioned humanity... I see desire in this piece SOLO - the desire to (despite all self-imposed inprisonment) be free as the wild mustang running in an open range....

This is quite a lovely sonnet - I love the free-flowing rhythm you have - and the hint of abstract - reminds me of my own writing in a way - the way the lines blend into each other so softly...

The 1st stanza I had to quote - because it is so beautifully rendered. "oyster-pink of quiet dawn" presents such a lovely visual! I can almost see the sunrise just from your descriptive. Quite nice = really.

But getting to the substance of your poem:

This is most interesting and quite a pivot, as I was thinking perhaps the mare is running from captivity, but the captivity is only in her mind. O! That we may have freedom from ourselves LOL - Quite a write indeed - and very enjoyable = Thanx for sharing it with us

Jacquii.

Such very very kind comments...
But to be honest...I file these sorts of poems on my flash disc under the title: "ATTEMPTED sonnets"...lol.,...I didn't think this line:

"she answers thus: Smoke! Burning! Fire!"

quite made the IP requirement...

I am but an amateur, and only occasionally try to write sonnets..then again as a friend once said....you can try to write a sonnet...fail...and still end up with something you like!!!

Yes ...I wrote this for all those people out there who are still trying to outrun the invisible fiends of their pasts...

I am glad you liked it...with such response, it can only be a pleasure sharing it with you

butchiesmom · 03-16-2008, 08:17 PM

I love the imagery in your work and your friend's right about writing a sonnet, failing and still coming up with something, lol.

...The earth's a dew-kissed dark serenity,
the pre-dawn land-scape silent and ash-black...

...It is her fiery past she flees with dread
The fire rages only in her head ...

I hadn't thought of it as an example of a human's quest to outrun a troubled past, but it's a good example.
Gail

solo · 03-24-2008, 11:38 AM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by whitman

hey this is great i love the imagery.

you like?....that's great whitman!

solo · 03-24-2008, 11:45 AM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by butchiesmom

I love the imagery in your work and your friend's right about writing a sonnet, failing and still coming up with something, lol.

...The earth's a dew-kissed dark serenity,
the pre-dawn land-scape silent and ash-black...

...It is her fiery past she flees with dread
The fire rages only in her head ...

I hadn't thought of it as an example of a human's quest to outrun a troubled past, but it's a good example.
Gail

Thanx Gail...it's not perfect but hey I like it...and I'm glad you did too...
Actually I had a stunning picture to go with this poem...but I don't know if I'm allowed to load graphics....I must find out when I have the time...

Thanx for reading!!!!!

Terence · 03-24-2008, 06:28 PM

Oh dear, I just responded to your critique sonnet and see that you are not as new to them as I thought. This is a lovely sonnet and you have already identified any weakness yourself. Very well done, I love the imagery and theme.

Terence

solo · 03-27-2008, 01:46 PM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Terence

Oh dear, I just responded to your critique sonnet and see that you are not as new to them as I thought. This is a lovely sonnet and you have already identified any weakness yourself. Very well done, I love the imagery and theme.

Terence

Your comments in crit were most welcome....I am not crawling.....but I am still learning to walk!!!!

Thank-you for your kind comments about "horse and fire'! I am glad you like it!

Sol