Creative Traditional:

[Kit Carson]

winding road unfolds
as far becomes near and now
mountains passed…faded

Mike Carson
2-4-2008

[Mysty]

Very interesting Kit... very very interesting ... I must mull on this one...... see what it means to me. Will be back with a better comment soon.

[Moonchild]

Oh I like this!
Has sorta a nostalgic feel to it.
Great title.
Good job!

[deep_poet86]

I really enjoyed reading this one Nice read first thing in the morning

[butchiesmom]

When I first read this, I thought, 'Ok, where's the rest of it?" Then I decided it might be a haiku and found that it was. ]I don't write haikus myself because, apparently, motormouthitis also affects my writing, lol. However, I do enjoy the good ones.

As haikus are defined, 5, 7, 5, this qualifies. Is it descriptive enough to show me what's going on? Well...ok. Driving through the mountains, now we're through them. Ok. The title, Passing Through the Pouring Now, suggests rain to me. Could you explain how the title and the content of this haiku connects? Are the mountains called Pouring?

As far as being descriptive, this qualifies. I'd just like to understand your thoughts behind the title.
Gail

[Kit Carson]

Very well... I wrote a haiku in response to another...so let's start from there, a real life encounter at the local grocery store with an eighty-two year young blogger who blogs on Blogspot and in the course of meeting he asked me if I wrote haiku and then he quoted me one that he had written and this is the same store where I might run into the most beautiful J. Cooke and so I felt compelled to write a haiku. We drove through pouring rain all day on the road to St. Louis, so I started thinking of that road. So this became a poem of the road and the rain, but then took on a life of it's own by becoming metaphor for life. It quite simply caught me by surprize. We came out of the mountains of Tennessee into the flatlands of middle America. I was reading about haiku's not long ago, and it can be argued long and hard about what is and what isn't haiku...but it was mentioned that putting titles to them was an American thing that maybe shouldn't be discouraged and that one shouldn't be afraid to go for depth in haiku...so I continue to work it, even as it works me. Have you ever had one of those days when they seemed to be just too much now? How about those mountains you had to climb on the road of life...they are passed you now and fading...but are there more in the far distance...of course. Is now a mountain? It too will pass and fade.

[butchiesmom]

I like your explanation! It makes sense and yes, I've passed through too many life mountain ranges to know understand that.

Thanks for taking the time to explain this to me.
hugs,
Gail

[Mysty]

Hiya Kit..... I have thought and thought on this one..... I think it would strengthen the last line to simply take out "The" and have the line read "Mountains passed..... faded"


I think that would strengthen the picture better but tis your work and your choice . You can use or lose my suggestion........


*Hugs*

Mysty