The real story

Aumakua · 09-20-2007, 07:07 PM

This poem is meant to convey an important message...

We bury deep inside,
What in our hearts reside,
The secret that has not been told,
Our true intentions will unfold,

Slowly deteriorating, you’re unaware,
Not saying that you never care,
But there comes a point, we need assistance,
On your part a bit of persistence,

We all claim that we’re all right,
We hide from you our inner fight,
Happiness and a smile, is all we display,
But the real truth will have you in dismay,

We hang from a string; so fragile and thin,
Suicide creeping closer within,
We struggle and fight, everyday,
Cuts, scars and bruises is what we pay,

Banging our heads; pulling our hair,
Trying to release the pain up there,
But it won’t disperse, no matter what,
With a tainted razorblade we deepen our cut,

Debating between what to do,
More confused than you ever knew,
Should we die? Should we not?
On this subject we’re distraught,

Alone we stand, Alone we feel,
That death is the best option to heal,
We haven’t a friend to tell us no,
Or brighten a path that never shone,

While we lie, we secretly speak,
With lips trembling and a voice so weak,
But to you we’re not worth the time,
Shrug it off and say we’re fine,

Is fine to you a suicidal girl?
Ready to up and leave this world?
Razorblade in hand; deeply carving,
Suicides lust for death is starving,

See only half the story; label us insane,
Fail to notice our life in vain,
Then act surprised when you get the news,
That to suicide another soul did lose.

Mysty · 09-20-2007, 07:37 PM

wow Riha.. I would like to say all teens go thru this. And I hope you are not thinking of doing away with yourself. Believe me it takes much more strength to survive. Now in saying this Your poem is a beautiful cry for help. Anyone reading this can identify with these feelings. You wrote it beautifully. Very eloquent.

Mysty

KayaOtah · 09-21-2007, 06:23 AM

'real story' is real?? wow,well, nice poem..
but life isn't that bad... *smiles*
just very bad, not extreme bad...

nomadicrhymer · 09-21-2007, 04:55 PM

I gave this one a 5-star rating for content and style. VERY, VERY profound.

We all claim that we’re all right,
We hide from you our inner fight,
Happiness and a smile, is all we display,
But the real truth will have you in dismay

The above stanza applies to SO many of us as humans who want to maintain our space, not let anyone in too closely, so we pretend that it's all good, then wonder why no one really tries to dig out the truth. On the other hand, we have become such a politically correct human machine in many aspects, we feel that because everyone is entitled to their privacy - it gives us a reason not to care, to just gloss over each other's feelings with a high shine of polite bullshit. We ask each other daily "how are you" not rally wanting to know, because our OWN situation is SO much more of a concern to us. Sometimes all we need to do is listen...

Riha - u sure ur 15?!! AWESOME, AWESOME POETRY, GIRL!!

PaintedDiary · 09-21-2007, 05:05 PM

Riha Riha Riha....omg......I will be back....and all of 15.

PD

Aumakua · 09-22-2007, 06:46 AM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by nomadicrhymer

I gave this one a 5-star rating for content and style. VERY, VERY profound.

We all claim that we’re all right,
We hide from you our inner fight,
Happiness and a smile, is all we display,
But the real truth will have you in dismay

The above stanza applies to SO many of us as humans who want to maintain our space, not let anyone in too closely, so we pretend that it's all good, then wonder why no one really tries to dig out the truth. On the other hand, we have become such a politically correct human machine in many aspects, we feel that because everyone is entitled to their privacy - it gives us a reason not to care, to just gloss over each other's feelings with a high shine of polite bullshit. We ask each other daily "how are you" not rally wanting to know, because our OWN situation is SO much more of a concern to us. Sometimes all we need to do is listen...

Riha - u sure ur 15?!! AWESOME, AWESOME POETRY, GIRL!!

Thankies everyone for the critique ^^

Yup i'm 15 xP

And the real story, is real Kaya.

Kit Carson · 09-25-2007, 10:03 AM

Rhia, this is increadible writing and all too "Real" as I know these real feelings, or have known them at various points in my life. It is to be overcome, however. I hid it very, very deep so that no one ever knew, left no marks, except for the inward trails of the scars that never heal. I have had friends that failed and friends that succeeded. Hugs to you my young poet friend, hang around, we need your voice.

Aumakua · 09-26-2007, 06:51 AM

I think these feelings make us all stronger... somehow...

bloodletting_of_the_sky · 10-05-2007, 01:05 PM

you know i like how you portray the issues in your poem....

i think when you feel that alone it is like you wish you could find someone out there that's got it right.... that has something more to offer then just selfishness... like everyone else who is just waisting space....
the emtions inside at times like those... are frustration.. at least it is for me.. because during the dark times you feel like you have unwanted potential as a individual.... and noone cares what you have to offer....
but how i escaped feeling hopeless about it was when i realized that i couldnt give a fuck wether they cared or not... because all that really mattered was that i knew what i am capable of... and that's worth the wolrd to me.. and i dont have to waiste my time worrying over why they dont give it shit... because that's defeating my purpose.. my purpose to keep moving on.

thankers for some true inspiration here.. sorry if i sounded like i rambled a bit.. i dont meen to.. i just get excited sometimes.. lol

Aumakua · 10-05-2007, 01:30 PM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by bloodletting_of_the_sky

you know i like how you portray the issues in your poem....

i think when you feel that alone it is like you wish you could find someone out there that's got it right.... that has something more to offer then just selfishness... like everyone else who is just waisting space....
the emtions inside at times like those... are frustration.. at least it is for me.. because during the dark times you feel like you have unwanted potential as a individual.... and noone cares what you have to offer....
but how i escaped feeling hopeless about it was when i realized that i couldnt give a fuck wether they cared or not... because all that really mattered was that i knew what i am capable of... and that's worth the wolrd to me.. and i dont have to waiste my time worrying over why they dont give it shit... because that's defeating my purpose.. my purpose to keep moving on.

thankers for some true inspiration here.. sorry if i sounded like i rambled a bit.. i dont meen to.. i just get excited sometimes.. lol

Don't worry that's not rambling ^^ and rambling is okay in my book i do it too often >.>;;;;

OMG o_o Everything you said... so true!!!! This is why i love your poetry so much :3 I feel like you really get into the really deeper feelings in people that not everyone understands. It's definetly a better thing to not care what people think... but is kinda hard not to take notice either.