Creative Traditional:

[Kit Carson]

Silver trees stand in

Frozen silence as new snow

Drifts down from above

In the quiet of winter’s

Night, feel the truth that fills you

~

Mike Carson

11-13-2007

[BekiLynn]

Tanka is more than 5-7-5-7-7 just like haiku is more than 5-7-5 - a tanka should be like an extended haiku and often poses a question or evokes a revelation at the end. It is never just a sentence set in the right syllable pattern ( which should actually be shorter because of the differences in our languages) -- consider:

Silver trees stand in
Frozen silence as new snow
Drifts down from above
In the quiet of winter’s
Night, feel the truth that fills you


idea:

silver trees
stand in frozen silence,
new snow drifts down
this quiet winter night ---
can you feel truth fill you?

can you see the difference? Just something to think about......

[Kit Carson]

I did some research before writing and made a decision to write it this way. It is still being defined in English and I am somewhat a rebel you will find. Do not mistake my writing style for lack of knowledge of form. My son can speak, read and write Kanji, but I can not. So I chose the 5-7-5-7-7 form in English after looking at what other poets were doing and rejecting it...as I reject your unwanted rewriting of my poem, but you are right as far as what some other poets are doing. In 1,200 years, they didn't exactly agree either...just saying.

[BekiLynn]

It was meant as a friendly suggestion and I do apologize - the webmistress said she had not known anyone here to ever object to honest critiquing in any of the forums that could make their poetry stronger when I said I would try to refrain ...on other sites I am a well known and highly regarded sensai and am expected to help instruct...I do it almost without thinking and I am sorry if it offended you. I will certainly not do it again.

[Kit Carson]

I was not offended Beki and should have stated actually that I enjoyed what you wrote and understand where you are coming from and I most surely bristled a little too much. I do not like the run on here myself, but love the image and thought which are present either way. It just seems to me wrong to allow such flexibility inside a form...sounds like chaos...listen to the rebel talk, lol.

[BekiLynn]

Another problem I have is that because of my background (editing all my life) I read everything with an editor's eye, it is natural for me, and I read with an eye to what will make a poem or any writing publishable. Where that gets me into trouble is where many many writers don't give two hoots whether their work is publishable or not. Something quite honestly I can't relate to - to me, why write if you (generic "you", not you personally) don't want someone to see it? And if "you" post it anywhere for public viewing, don't you want it to be the best that it can be? Poetry allows so much latitude for ignoring conventions of grammar and punctuation and yet...some convention must be observed if "you" are going to reach your audience.....especially when you write in established forms....convention is what makes them be forms after all. I am something of a rebel myself sometimes, I have posted a rather freeform sonnet just for the heck of it. But it is not a poem I take seriously at all, I wrote it in response to a friend who challenged me to write a sonnet....if I took it very seriously it would have been more correct. The thing about conventional forms is that they provide us with so much discipline, and that leads to economy of language, especially with the oriental forms. And economy of language, not wasting yor words, leads to very very good writing. So these conventions do have their place. And I generally take them pretty seriously, so that is where I am coming from...not from any desire to offend. OK, I am done..jumping off my soapbox....friends?

[Kit Carson]

Most certainly and I am a published poet with my first book just out. I always write with publication in mind and usually edit many times, but I have a massive audience on Yahoo and Multiply and now myspace and I was both trying out a new form and seeking to spread it a little. I am sure that the first haiku I wrote in poetry class leaves a lot to be desired. What did you think of my acrostic tanka , lol? Have you read any of my other poetry? I think it is okay to bend the rules a little if you know what you are doing and why.