Creative Traditional:

[JolieH]

She didn’t know where you were at,
sorry to disturb you.
A community buried beneath the sand,
between tide marks on surf-washed beach.

Her fine string hair like ponies mane
surfs atop a tender zephyr.
She sits beneath a golden sun,
plastic shovel tool of toy.

Where on wet sloping seabed
her shovel digs into the sand.
She didn’t know a claim was staked
on sandy shores of freedom’s birth.

Cold wet sand formed to ball
foundation of a castle wall.
When your plight to her surprise,
through tiny palm attempt escape.

Screams cry out across the sand
to where mother sits book in hand,
who stands with open arms to
welcome fear filled teary eyes.

Wet sand crumbles by inundation
exposing frantic legs to hungry gulls.
Your safety in two seconds found,
burrowed backward in the sand.

Sorry to disturb you,

Jolie Harsch 2007

[nomadicrhymer]

Jolie this is a precious rendition of a darling little one coming face to face with nature. And now...right there, smack in the middle of your poem, I found a gem...

She didn’t know a claim was staked
on sandy shores of freedom’s birth.

SO profound...this is one of those sentences that stand out from the rest of the poem because it signifies so much more than what it says on the surface. I feel that these lines can carry a totally new poem themselves...it actually brings to my mind a lone woman standing on the beach, staring at the horizon, preparing to leave home (maybe after a love affair gone bad) and in turmoil over her decision...it can take ANY direction...a revolutionary...wow...I love..LOVE these lines.

Nomad

[JolieH]

Thank You Nomad,

I tried to weave facts of nature with the imagination, and this is what I got. I remember scooping them up, when I was small, and how creepy it felt when they try to burrow through my hand.
So, I looked them up and learned a little about their behavior and put this together.
I like the way this worked out, and I plan to try a couple more with the same method.

[Aumakua]

Wow, you always seem to write so well and write about things other people wouldn't even dream of. That's like... ++ for any writer ^-^

[PaintedDiary]

Dear Jolie,

I love love love love this one. I believe it is one of many of yours that is my favorite!!!!oh how it must be to be a mole crab and shoveled out, examined, disturbed, scared, and maybe even scare the darling one who my mistake shoveled it (them) out. As I have said, I love when artists scribe about the unusual, the stuff not often thought of and etc., and here you have done it so so brilliantly, effortlessly, and exquisitely. Your writing is masterful anyway (hence the perfect choice and balance of word smithing) , then add a gem of a concept and bam.....another classic I say in my book. I also (as you may know, or not know) love the word "zephyr" as it is one of my favorite words that I use often. Jolie, I read this over and over and my smile grows each time. Just and an excellent rating to boot! Loved it!

p.s. and that title.....yes, if we could talk to them, that is exactly what we would say...How CLEVER!

Kim

[JolieH]

Thanks Kim, I've been waiting for you to read this. I thought you might like it since it is kind of in your field, more marine biology I guess, but just reaching here. I know you like the word zepher, and I choose it because it reminds me of my friends here on JPIC. I like to experiment with including bits of reality, imagination, and nature. I think Waldon Pond might have been a little like this method, although I believe Henry David Thoreau studied at Harvard, so he had a different education.

[PaintedDiary]

Dear Jolie,

Yes, yes, yes, I too love Marine Biology and you did a fine job incorporating all the necessary ingredients and components. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!!!!!

Kim

[Bear]

Excellent penning Jolie love watching kids play in the sand and in nature as the find new and interesting things and creatures beautifully written
hugs kisses
bear

[JolieH]

Thanks Bear,

I love watching kids play at the beach too, and these little creatures are as innocent as the children. Thanks for the complement.