Creative Traditional:

[¤Me¤]

Inside, in deep dark light
Longing rests sound asleep

On this lonely planet
Vanity crawls in rivers
Everchanging, never complete

Yet again I find you in the dark,
Only air holding you still
Unable to speak.

[nomadicrhymer]

A fabulously cryptic poem resounding with feeling and giving me visions of a dark lonely place where there is no control... *Me* .... great first read for me!

Thanks
Nomad

[¤Me¤]

Thanks for commenting, Nomad

[MsJacquiiC]

I found this a pleasant little read actually. I liked the subtle rhyme scheme, not overpowering or forced and just enough to keep each stanza cohesive.

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Yet again I find you in the dark,
Only air holding you still
Unable to speak.

I'm a bit perplexed by the last stanza though, I wonder who is the "you" and who is the "I" -- This could be my life in a nightmare: In love so deep, yet afraid to say a thing to my love interest lol - Well I suppose I'm not perplexed, just wondering how you knew the dream I dreamt last nite

Nice write = thanks for the share AND Welcome back!

Jacquii.

[¤Me¤]

Heh, thanks for commenting, Jacquii. The poem was originally written for someone, so the "you" and "I" might cause a bit of confusion... And I have a talent of hopping into peoples dreams to steal ideas

Thanks again ^__^ I'm glad to be back.

[erikestabrook]

I like it, 6 lines is very short for a poem though,
however there was depth which is all a shoert poem needs,
depth and simplicity

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by ¤Me¤

I have a talent of hopping into peoples dreams to steal ideas

Ha! Reminds me of the movie Inception - hopping in and out of dreams LOL - Excellent movie and Leonardo DiCaprio is always gorgeous ((swoons))

I agree with E though - simplicity and depth makes for a sweet read.

[¤Me¤]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by MsJacquiiC

Ha! Reminds me of the movie Inception - hopping in and out of dreams LOL - Excellent movie and Leonardo DiCaprio is always gorgeous ((swoons))

I agree with E though - simplicity and depth makes for a sweet read.

Haha, yes! I love that movie ^__^ I was actually sort of "borrowing" a line there I've seen it too many times already. Wonderful movie with lots of eyecandy *__* hah

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by ¤Me¤

Haha, yes! I love that movie ^__^ I was actually sort of "borrowing" a line there I've seen it too many times already. Wonderful movie with lots of eyecandy *__* hah

Just for that - I'm downloading Inception momentarily and will see it again tonite