Creative Traditional:

[Mysty]

Spent


Angry
burning red sears
across tightly shut eyes
as words spew, rendering silent
the heart.

Tear fall,
crystal quartz drops
tracking silken aged cheeks,
in crevasses worn too deep to
soften.

Promise
for peace falls short
as expected patterns
show true colors of man's control
as beast.

A soul
conflicted in life
struggles alone to move,
weary burdens weighing it down
always.

Futile
to run away
from destinies lot.
Fate rules time with an iron thumb
unbent.


© 2007 Sandra Elizabeth Johnson

[PaintedDiary]

Angry
burning red sears
across tightly shut eyes
as words spew, rendering silent
the heart.

Tear fall,
crystal quartz drops
tracking silken aged cheeks,
in crevasses worn too deep to
soften.




Dear Mysty,

What an intro to set the tone of this piece. At first when I read the title I thought of a relationship that after many years "Spent", seemed to dissolve or be just an illusion of some sort. I knew I would be witnessing a rich rendition (like a fine oil painting) of one's abyss of a soul. The words are so riveting that they seem to etch the heart. Also what I love about your piece is the fact that even the individual stanzas seem to be a poem and story in itself Mysty. So this series of "Cinquains" came together beautifully!!!! The message of pain and the result of a way of life governed by the "iron thumb" speaks loud and clear. However, I perceived the tone to speak louder than the voice here, and it woks beautifully. The execution is flawless and tis a poem NOT to read just once. I enjoyed this Mysty. An excellent rating!!!

Kim

[Jims Inn]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Mysty

Spent


Angry
burning red sears
across tightly shut eyes
as words spew, rendering silent
the heart.

Tear fall,
crystal quartz drops
tracking silken aged cheeks,
in crevasses worn too deep to
soften.

Promise
for peace falls short
as expected patterns
show true colors of man's control
as beast.

A soul
conflicted in life
struggles alone to move,
weary burdens weighing it down
always.

Futile
to run away
from destinies lot.
Fate rules time with an iron thumb
unbent.


© 2007 Sandra Elizabeth Johnson

Wow Mysty … the imagery this piece conjures up is so clear and powerful that I felt some of the anger and sadness in it … so much so that my first reaction was that I'd like to reach out and give you a great big cyber hug …

For me the five stanzas are as near to perfect as they could ever be and any revision or change would have to massive to make more of an impact on the reader than that which is already there.

I think the final stanza is very sad carrying as it does a strong feeling of
inevitability … no woman should ever be subject to the rule of an iron thumbs … whether it belongs to fate or man …

[Moonchild]

These are all very good Cinquain
Mysty but my fav was:

A soul
conflicted in life
struggles alone to move,
weary burdens weighing it down
always.

I think because I can relate immensely.
They were all well structured with good
content. Muchly enjoyed, thanks!

[Mysty]

Dear PD,

Hon You Rock!!! Love Ya.

Dear Jim,

Thank you and I agree. No woman should ever have to be subjected to feeling like that.

Dear Karen,

Good lord hon I hope you cannot relate too much... such a situation is .. well really and truly sad. I know.

Love Ya's all.

Mysty

[Moonchild]

Well Mysty I have a mental illness
called schizo-effective disorder and I
guess you know what goes along with mental illnesses
so yes I do relate much sadly.
I really like your Cinquains

[Sartor]

Mysty............Your poem, packed with emotional feelings, hints of just the right amount to give depth, feeling and understanding to the lines. Well done Poet..........your talent glimmers like a cut diamond amongst the gravel.

[PaintedDiary]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Sartor

Mysty........... Well done Poet..........your talent glimmers like a cut diamond amongst the gravel.

I agree with Sartor 2000% Mysty......you definitely radiate and are an inspiration to me and many...love ya hon!!!

Kim

[MsJacquiiC]

Hi MYSTY - what a lovely cinquain collection. It's so gloomy-pessimistic - Epitomizes the title Spent quite nicely. I like pieces like this as it makes one hope for better.... Of course I'm fond of saying I'm the most pessimistic optimist ever lol

The middle stanza was quite nicely rendered:

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Promise
for peace falls short
as expected patterns
show true colors of man's control
as beast.

I found this most interesting really - It makes me wonder how anyone can dare optimism after seeing an especially horrid evening news...

At anyrate - a very well-written collection.
Thanx very much for sharing it with us

Jacquii.

[Mysty]

Sartor .... wow thanks for such a glowing comment You rank up there too Hon.

Kim..... All I can say is I love You Sis

Ms Jacquii I am glad to note sometimes I am just like that too lol... I do try hard everyday to be happy and hopeful .... but somedays that hope just gets dashed down and trodden on. No way to revive it except to start a new day. I do know this ....... happiness is not something ANY one person can give to us. It is something we must seed and grow inside ourselves. If you want to know how ... give me a pm and I will tell you how.

Love Ya's

Mysty