Creative Traditional:

[Terence]

All I wanted was your love. Deep inside
of me I was too young to really know
my heart wouldn’t see the tears that I cried.

Since that first time we kissed by the hearthside,
and my body felt such a warming glow,
all I wanted was your love, deep inside

my heart. But instead you cheated and lied
about that boyfriend you once “used” to know.
Didn’t your heart see the tears I cried?

I threw you out then took you back. I tried
to forget your lies yet through all my sorrow
all I wanted was your love. Deep inside.

Then one day I woke up and I realized
how you had used me, and blinded me so
my heart wouldn't see the tears that I cried.

I’d always thought that one day we’d be bride
and groom. Now I just need for you to go.
All I wanted was your love. Deep inside,
my heart has felt every tear that I’ve cried.

[mangodroplet]

This poem makes me really sad
*cries*
very nice wordbuilding...
I'm just wondering why you did this :
all I wanted was your love, deep inside

my heart. But instead you cheated and lied

I know you want to keep rhyme...but you don't need heart :]
But I loved the poem nonetheless!
I hope you don't get sad that I pointed it out, but that made the poem a little less smooth....

*huggles*
I liked it anyway :]

[Terence]

Hi md, thanks for your reply, and question. One of the accepted ways of varying the repeated lines in a villanelle is to give them different emphasis. Enjambment also helps with that variance.

Far from sad, I appreciate you pointing out that the interuption in thought also interupted the flow for you.

Terence

[mangodroplet]

AHH! No!
I didn't mean that the interruption made me sad-no, it was just how your poem moved me....
i loved in :]
Great job!
Ahhhh-so it was a villanelle.... :]

[Bear]

Heartfelt sad penning Terrence something I have gone through also it is magnificent write
handshakes
bear

[BekiLynn]

this is a decent villanelle -- your two repeating lines work well. I just think some of the line breaks are a little too choppy and interrupt the flow of the poem for me....the hardest thing about writing a villanelle is finding two lines that stand up well to the repetition and you have accomplished that!

[Terence]

Thank you bear. I'm sorry that you have had to go through such disappointments.


I really appreciate your feedback, Beki. I actually thought the enjambment helped smooth out the prosy flow of thought but now realise my 'experiment' hasn't worked out and that perhaps I should stay within more conventional bounds for this type of poem.

Terence

[Benny]

Great poem!!!! Love sure ain't easy to have reciprocated...not at all.

[Terence]

Thanks, Benny. True, love isn't always easy. But when it's strong ... wow.

[solo]

lovely effort terence...tho a sad poem