Thunder's Journey (kyrielle)

Altree94 · 03:43 AM

KYRIELLE - A French form of rhyming poetry in which a line or a phrase is repeated. The repeating phrase is usually (but not necessarily so) the last line of each stanza. Most common rhyme scheme is aabB, ccbB, ddbB with B as the repeating phrase. Although the rhyme scheme is up to the poet, this form MUST have 8 syllables per line and there must be a MINIMUM of 3 stanzas.

Thunder's Journey

There was no moon, no stars that night
to give the weary walker light.
Through the dark he slowly fumbled.
In the distance, thunder rumbled.

Hoping to reach the inn before
the rain came down, he hurried more.
In his rush, he slipped and stumbled.
Closer now, the thunder rumbled.

Headfirst he went into the ditch,
because the night was black as pitch.
Underfoot, the path had crumbled.
Overhead, the thunder rumbled.

The sky was split with light'ning streaks,
both rain and tears rolled down his cheeks.
By nature's wrath, he was humbled.
All around, the thunder rumbled.

alanmdouglas · 10-18-2006, 06:33 PM

Dear Tree,

Very good, good build-up of tension.

But, have I commented somewhere else on this one ?

Love
Alan

MsJacquiiC · 10-20-2006, 05:37 AM

Nope - JPiC lost no info/posts during the "shutdown"

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Anyway - nice poem TREE - very original - kinda sad though I tend to wonder who is the object of the sadness: the moon or the weary traveler?

At anyrate - nice share - Thanx!

Jacquii.

Abae · 10-22-2006, 11:49 PM

Great write, thunder
rattles the depths of
us all.

Thanks for the read.

Altree94 · 10-25-2006, 12:30 AM

Thank-you Abae! It isn't just us who get rattled by thunder, my 4 dogs all try to dive under the bed too! LOL!
TY for your comments, much appreciated!

-Tree.

lanaia74 · 10-25-2006, 04:28 AM

Totally AWESOME!

Altree94 · 10-26-2006, 11:41 PM

TY Lanaia!
Sounds like you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! Give some of these different styles a try - they are really fun to do!
Thanks again!

MsJacquiiC · 10-27-2006, 03:52 AM

My apologies to MS TREE!
This thread originally had additional comments. I'm not totally sure where the hell they are though. **strange shudder** It seems that STARRY, PAINTEDDIARY, ALAN & MSJACQUIIC have previously commented on this very eloquently written piece. We've been able to save Tree's responses to those comments and they are below:

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Thank-you Starry! Believe me, no deep thought went into this one! LOL! Glad you are starting to feel more comfortable at this site, it really is easy enough to navigate through, once you get the hang of it!

The Following Text Is Quoted:

TY PD, and glad you enjoyed it!

The Following Text Is Quoted:

It is easier to get a good rhythm going when you have a set syllable count. That doesn't work ALL of the time though, I know because I've mucked up the meter on more than a few of them! Ah well, I live and learn and that's the reason I joined JPic in the first place! TY again!

The Following Text Is Quoted:

LOL! Alan! Are you having a "senior moment"? I sure hope so because if you have commented somewhere else then I have plagiarized someone! I don't think I have though - not after agonizing over my word choices the way I did!

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Thank-you so much, Alan! I have done the editing and as for the weary walker, don't waste your sympathies on that murdering s.o.b! LOL! Great feedback, and much appreciated!

Benny · 10-29-2006, 04:53 AM

Love this work, muse! Builds nicely and kept me anticipating the next line...wonderful!

Altree94 · 10-29-2006, 11:48 PM

Hello Benny!
I kept you anticipating the next line???!!!! TY, TY, TY!!!
That is high praise indeed, and I Thank you sincerely for it!
One of my worst fears about writing is boring my readers!
I don't think I've done that yet, but there is a first time for everything!