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Your Words

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  • 1 Post By nickram

 
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Old 11-14-2011, 05:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Name: Nicholas Ram
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Default Your Words nickram Started This Thread
The words, your words have broken me
They hit me like a ton of bricks
Taking all the breathe out of me
Your words beating me like sticks
I no longer feel I want to breathe
Knowing your words will continue to replay
I wish I could just leave
Yet your words just stay
Just stay repeating in my head
Do you know the pain you bring?
Leaving me crying over what you said
I can’t show how your words sting
I hid the pain so well
You wouldn’t see the pain
The ones closest couldn’t even tell
How your words were stuck on my brain
Until one day I came to see
Ending my pain would only create more
My family wouldn’t let me leave
I love them to my core
Your words were not to hurt them
I wouldn’t let you win
All my strength came from them
I became stronger than I’ve been
I would not succumb to your words
Your words no longer had a hold
The words began to fade, your words
I hit stop on the words you told
Even with this strength, I lost something
Something you took from me
A piece of me that I used to be

-nickram

P.S. I hope this helps anyone who has ever been hurt by someone's words or ever been bullied. Just know it can get better, trust me.
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Old 11-14-2011, 07:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Your Words
Very true... words can't be taken back and they are painful...

passionate writing...

Nomad
 

Old 11-15-2011, 02:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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well if you're looking for someone who's been hurt, theres about 6.5 billion of us lol...so we get it. not sure if youre into any critique or not, but I had a hard time with the meter. I could be reading it wrong and I know a lot of times I write, I write how it sounds in my head and not how it reads on paper. It will affect some of your word choices. You have a couple different meters or so in the poem and either or any of them work. Personally, I think this would be fine as just a freestyle with no attempts at meter at all. Was a bit confused with the last stanza cuz most of the piece was about taking back your life and at the end it alludes to something that you can't get back that was taken. You have some solid ideas to work with here.
 

Old 11-15-2011, 05:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Wow. This was very intense. The words left an impact for sure. The topic is one that I frequent as a teacher. Sad to think with the strength found that the words cut so deeply that pieces of you were lost. Hope they are found, and the strength prevails. Thank you for this read.

Painted Diary


Never, Never____ Stop Painting Your Diary!!




 

Old 11-15-2011, 05:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Wow. This was very intense. The words left an impact for sure. The topic is one that I frequent as a teacher. Sad to think with the strength found that the words cut so deeply that pieces of you were lost. Hope they are found, and the strength prevails. Thank you for this read.

Painted Diary
 

Old 11-30-2011, 04:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Name: Nicholas Ram
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Default Re: Your Words nickram Started This Thread
Thank you to all of you that have enjoyed this poem and for those who have given advice about how to improve my writing (I'm talking to you zaac )
 

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