The Critique Saloon:

[Hestoria]

Take the sharp blade to my wrist and cut the vain
Cut away the tears and bring me the pain

That sweet grief, the grief that fills my empty heart
I shall carry it with me and let it just tear me apart

So I can feel the pleasure of being ripped to shreds
To feel my blood run as it rushed from my head

My mind is in a daze and my sorrow is all that I see
Control the suffering to get this wretched sight from me

But I cant control the world, for the suffering it brings is not brief
How will I remain sane? I know, by controling my own grief

It's the worlds fault. Kindness, trust and love it stole
Only to give pain in return, so pain I'll control

It's gone! True happiness has fled from this world
Will it come back? Into hell have we been hurled?

What can bring t back? My trust and my laughter?
I dont know, but I dont expect a happily-ever-after

[Mysty]

Hiya Hestoria........ by Cut the vain..... do you mean blood vein or do you mean vanity?

Instead of two griefs in the next two lines how about this:

"The sweet grief that overfills my empty heart"

and in the 6th couplet ... you have 2 pains..... how about this:

"only to give heartache in return, a pain that I will control"

The 2nd to last couplet..... how about this:

"Will it come back? Or into hell have we been hurled?"

These are the only things I see that might improve this to perfection. Just a few humble ideas you can use or lose.

Mysty