Like A Phoenix (I Am Painted Diary)

PaintedDiary · 02:38 PM

Like A Phoenix (I Am Painted Diary)

I am not afraid
to straighten my spine
shake that monkey
break that chain
royal blood leaves a Crimson stain
and so I rise like a Phoenix

I am Painted Diary
tall as a Cypress
long as the Nile
malleable as Cleopatra's Gold
and so I rise like a Phoenix

Greatness walks with me
mountains applaud my soliloquy
I am Painted Diary and my
heart speaks phonetically
and so I rise like a Phoenix

Watchful eyes sharply pierce
God's hand break me free
From indigenous ashes I've burned
and so I rise like a Phoenix

nomadicrhymer · 04-13-2007, 01:48 PM

this may not be the place for this...but re-reading this piece, to me it seems superfluous to have the "and" in the last lines of the stanza...and I think you've gone back and forth with this already? I might be wrong...but "so I rise..." works on it's own and is more succinct....last lines could be "I've burned. (period) then "I will rise...."?

All in all though, this piece is still as strong and declaratively owning perseverance and pride as when I first read it.

Nomad

PaintedDiary · 03:10 PM

Dear Ms Nomad,

Thank you for reading and commenting. This most certainly is the proper place lol, as only a few words at the end may need to be adjusted, and am looking to publish. No need to go back to Revisions, as I am currently working on Manuscript. I will play with this for a while. I will also have Ms Jacquii, Amzy, Sartor, Isaac, and Nikos take a look, then it will finally be complete and ready to go. Thanks again.

{{{~~**KIMBERLY**~~}}}

MsJacquiiC · 03-23-2008, 07:30 AM

Good morning MS KIM - Happy Easter!

--- I think you should post your re-write of Like A Phoenix for us all to enjoy - I think it's a magnificent piece!

FYI JPiC Community -- YAWL can view a lovely lovely graphic collaboration on KIM's NEW website

There's also a web interview all about this Phoenix piece! Exciting stuff! What's the website address you ask? MsPaintedDiary.com of course

At anyrate - I have made an e-Card for the Poetic Showcase section of JPiC's GreetingsGalleryOnline.com affiliate site featuring my favorite stanza - It's brilliant really AND right in time for Easter, since the motif is literally about rising from the midst of a death of sorts... So if you like - Register today at GreetingsGalleryOnline.com and send your family and friends a Happy Easter e-Card featuring the Like A Phoenix poem!

I think I shall stamp this thread with the "published" stamp now. Congrats KIM and Thanx so much for sharing your poem with us

Jacquii.

PaintedDiary · 03:13 PM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by MsJacquiiC

Good morning MS KIM - Happy Easter! --- I think you should post your re-write of Like A Phoenix for us all to enjoy - I think it's a magnificent piece!

At anyrate - I have made an e-Card for the Poetic Showcase section of JPiC's GreetingsGalleryOnline.com affiliate site featuring my favorite stanza - It's brilliant really AND right in time for Easter, since the motif is literally about rising from the midst of a death of sorts... So if you like - Register today at GreetingsGalleryOnline.com and send your family and friends a Happy Easter e-Card featuring the Like A Phoenix poem!

I think I shall stamp this thread with the "published" stamp now. Congrats KIM and Thanx so much for sharing your poem with us

Jacquii.

Dear Ms Jacquii,

Happy Easter to you and your family Ms Jacquii! This was a lovely way to wake up to Easter morn with a beautiful stamped & published e-Card. You did an exquisite job on it's creation and I am still in awe.

so much for placement in our gallery. I sent my e-Card out this mourning...and even one to myself...teheheeee. Thank you also again for putting together a beautiful website with my own drawing as my logo. It is coming along quite nicely and fun putting it all together. Love ya'!

Kim

MsJacquiiC · 03-23-2008, 08:20 PM

No es un problema

--- FYI - the rewrite is posted in the Final Edit section: http://jpicforum.info/final-edit/lik...html#post32695

Jacquii.

PaintedDiary · 04-06-2008, 04:59 PM

Ms Jacquii!

Kim

Eric · 04-11-2008, 07:59 PM

Beautiful and proud, your words are flowers that help make my muse bloom.

PaintedDiary · 04-12-2008, 06:51 PM

Dear Eric,

Thank you for taking precious time to read and to comment. I am getting lessons from you as well...keep up the fantabulous poetry. Take Care.

Painted

Flookyyy · 04-13-2008, 04:28 PM

I loved reading this. Beautiful and inspiring

Flook x