Hey MS PAINTED - I know I've critiqued this poem before - I've read it again and do have some additional ideas about how to make it a little tighter, more concise... Just a few ideas to maybe shorten the length of it (as I know a lot of publishers will not publish the longer pieces...) and add a little UMPH, a little action and solid imagery....
Little Brown Girls' (Journey from Tragedy to Spirituality)
Little brown girls' Mothers
watching them hurl,
pieces of weave in the wind:
"Flow with me,
hear my words of poetry..."
[I think this stanza should be shortened to three lines and the elipsis at the end deleted. It would make for a more concise introduction in my opinion.]
example:
Little brown girls' Mothers watching them hurl,
piece of weave in the wind: "Flow with me,
hear my words of poetry."
I.
About a little brown girl's,
journey from tragedy to spirituality.
Must love thyself unconditionally,
misty mirrors foresee,
chocolate candy sisters,
yearning amour propre; yet lonely.
[Perhaps the 1st couple of stanzas can be combined where there is action - I think an action verb would enhance...]
example:
The little brown girl journeys from tragedy
to spirituality, murmuring "Must love thyself
unconditionally." Chocolate candy sister
yearns....
Witness illusive vanilla images,
exquisite nappy hair,
adorned with caramelized sugar skin,
_____they envy.
[Perhaps tighten the line structure...]
example:
.......
exquisite nappy hair adorns the caramel-sugar skin.
They envy....
Some little brown girls walk straight lines,
flossin' crooked shoes,
some fitted for a junkie,
bare brown feet often decorate a gurney.
Enslaved by euphoria induced consequences,
of ganja and cocoa leaves,
tainted dreams, tears savor salty__and all of twenty.
"Little brown girls hear my bawdry words,
of what misty mirrors foresee..."
Love has no boundary when testing the sea,
naive appetite copious,
not choosy.
II.
HIV, a baby?, some labeled doxy
possible life changes, taken vaguely,
hear what your story could be.
[I'm not quite sure if I get the 1st line of this stanza. Perhaps edit the punctuation...]
Example:
HIV? A baby?...
A little brown girl's search for love,
was practiced dangerously,
she didn’t ask any of them, if germ free.
He said little brown girl was fine and sexy,
beautiful words to a little brown girl,
who is looking for any kind of love,
not a love that is deserving.
"Damn!" Little brown girl said,
"He looks to good, to be sickly!".
He said he was freaky,
said, "No love here Baby Girl, cause this "fuck" is free",
as he fucked her with his goatee,
got in it, took about a minute,
was over quickly.
He didn’t look in her eyes to see,
her love ripped painstakingly.
said he didn’t love her,
said "Thanks Baby Girl, now I got more pussy to sightsee!"
Why? Little brown girl’s love wasn’t stingy,
made her crazy…..that his love was,
only applied superficially.
Little brown girl screams,
"Am I not shapely_____enough!"
As she missed meals,
chasin’ lily model stereotype beauty.
III.
Misty mirror speaks wisdom loudly,
reflects back, her hair beautifully bushy,
blood purged,
no longer dirty,
pumps softly in every capillary.
Soul thirsts whispers from pedigree,
little brown girl’s body metamorphosed from HIV,
her intellect says study; maybe write a thesis,
for a degree.
[I think the long "e" sound here is overused - You may want to try no rhyme scheme. Perhaps even structuring the line so the rhyme scheme doesn't appear "forced" would help a lot
Example:
Misty mirror speaks a robust wisdom, loud
and reflecting back, her hair bushed most beautifully;
Blood purged -- no longer dirty -- pumps
softly in ever capillary.
Soul thirsts whispers from pedigree, little brown
girl's body metamorphosized (sp?!?) from HIV.
Her intellect says study; Maybe write a thesis
for a degree.
Eventually….. her diary unfolds a story,
of a little brown girl’s life worth living,
education replenished, not from strangers,
but from loving family members,
who never stopped looking,
for their little brown girl,
faces reality of a positive result____yet surviving.
From African desert painted women in her family,
from every shade of wisdom____breathtaking.
Now, a brown woman, as strong as the Sequoia,
makes love that tastes of myrrh and honey,
Speaks proudly, "Know thyself is a gift given preciously,
not to a false image, but created in the image of Adam’s Eve".
IV.
"Little brown girls hear my bawdry words,
of what misty mirrors foresee..."
Misty mirror teaches a lesson_____ clearly,
the spoken words of little brown girls' tainted memories.
--------------------------------------
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Really the rest flows quite lovely - I would suggest correcting punctuation and spelling errors - sometimes you've used the word "to" when you mean "too" --- Sometimes the period or comma is outside the quotation marks - when it should be inside.... Sometimes there's a comma where there shouldn't be... Just little things that will let the publisher know you're on your A-Game! Making the lines tighter and more evenly structured. You may want to rewrite and adjust where the line ends and the next begins, just to see how it looks on paper. You may even find that your poem is more abstract than you'd 1st thought...
Anyway - a very very publishable piece of poetry.
Nicely done - and apologies if my critique is a little ambiguous...
Hope I've helped 
Jacquii.
Re: Little Brown Girls' (Journey from Tragedy to Spirituality)
...it's been a journey, and a very personal one for you as well. This is still an astounding piece, with enough emotion crammed into each and every line to make one weep...
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