Inspiring Novelists:

[booobooo]

IF YOU LIKE THIS PLEASE TELL ME AND I WILL POST MORE

Due to my fascination and attraction with female body, I became a ladies tailor and opened a shop in a garrage in a upper middle class society in south delhi. First few days, I was very gentleman like with all my customers. As I was new, most of the time young ladies and girls were accompanied by their husbands or mothers or other relatives. I used to take measurements in hurry without making any bold moves. Very soon I won over the confidence of the society there. All these days, I was really attracted by 3 ladies, Jyoti(36-24-36), Sonia(38-28-28) and Narayani(34-24-36). Narayani was the only unmarried. All 3 of them were very fair and with wonderful silky skin. I wanted to play with all 3 of them sometime or the other.

One day Jyoti came for a new blouse stitching. She was alone and looking gorgeous in pink saree and pink blouse which was stitched by me 2 months back. This time the blouse cloth was black. I said "Madam, let me use the same measurements as I used for this pink blouse (looking at her chest)". She said "No, please take a new measurement as this has gone tight". I said "OK Madam, please come inside". As soon as she entered, I pulled the curtain. As the garrage is small, there is not much room for 2 people with all the clothes and machine. She was standing very close to me facing me. I could smell her lovely perfume and was already hard inside. I said "Madam, Pallu nikaliye". Wow, the boobs were jutting out from the blouse as the blouse was really tight and a bit of cleavage was also visible. I said "Yes this is really tight. I am sorry I didnt make it right last time (still looking at her melons)". She said "No Masterjee, its not your fault. It was OK 2 months back". Saying this she smiled slightly in embarassement. I said "OK Madam, please spread your hands".

As I bent forward to take my measurement tape to her back, first time in this society I made a bold move and pressed my chest hard against her chest. As I came back and saw her face, she was looking nervous and looking upwards. I was really scared as to how would my move be taken by her. I delicately pressed the tape on her melons and said "Madam, it is 37 now and last time it was 36". She didnt say anything. I wanted her to speak so that I could judge how is she feeling. When I took the measurement of her chest under the breast, she still stood silently looking upwards. I asked "Madam, shall I keep the sleeves and neck like before". She said "What do you suggest, Masterjee". I was relieved that she was normal and infact got very happy that she was asking for my views. I wanted to use this oppotunity to the maximum so that this lovely looking Jyoti opens up with me a little. I said "Madam, sleeveless with deep back will really look nice". She asked "why?". Showing artificial shyness and a bit of smile I said "Madam, your sking is very fair and silky and with black blouse it will show up very well with deep neck and sleeveless". I expected her to blush and she did. But said "OK but keep the front neck high and not deep". I wanted to continue this discussion so gathered courage and asked "Why Madam, with deep back front would also look better if its deep". She said "No my husband would not like it". Saying this she picked up her pallu and turned towards the curtain. I said "OK" and while pulling the curtain open for her to go I brushed my crouch slightly with her lovely ass to give her a bit of my hardness. With my experiences with Mamta and Sweety, I knew ladies generally like some of these unintentional looking advances by people they know a bit.

[DaveKuzminski]

Apparently, English is not your first language. Still, you need to observe some of the rules about capitalization and word separation. For instance, "Masterjee" probably should be written as "Master Jee" unless it's a name meant to be one word. I suspect it isn't a single-word name.

When using some words that can be abbreviated, it's not considered proper to abbreviate them in text or dialogue except in special instances where you might be trying to convey how a sign looks. In other words, spell out "okay" in both the narrative and dialogue.

When you have two or more characters interacting, each should have its actions and dialogue separate from those of other characters. In other words, Jyoti's dialogue and actions should be in a paragraph that is separate from those of Jee. In fact, this will make your story flow easier for the reader to comprehend.

If one of your characters is thinking about something as it appeared in one sentence to be, then the thoughts should be in italics.

I'm not going to get into punctuation which also needs work. Right now, you need to concentrate on those things that readers will notice the most. When you have those corrected and mastered, then put some effort into proper punctuation. There are other problems as well, but all can be learned about and corrected. The only serious problem you have other than what I've mentioned already is the absence of a hook to get your reader interested in the story you have to tell.

[booobooo]

Thank You Dave For Your Comments. I Will Ensure My Language In Futue Works. Meanwhile You Can Complete The Story Which Is In Six Parts.

[DaveKuzminski]

Uh, if I was reading this for pleasure, I would have halted before the end of the first paragraph. It's been my experience that many writers repeat the same mistakes in later sections that can be seen in the first. It needs to be fixed first because it's just not ready yet.

[booobooo]

My Story Is Long And I Need To Edit The Whole Thing... It Will Take time but Shall Do Sometime.

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by DaveKuzminski

Uh, if I was reading this for pleasure, I would have halted before the end of the first paragraph. It's been my experience that many writers repeat the same mistakes in later sections that can be seen in the first. It needs to be fixed first because it's just not ready yet.

Noone asks you to be a rude ASSHOLE DAVE!
Perhaps you should tone down all of that UGH!
BOOOBOOO didn't ask for your in-depth critique to begin with - you need to familiarize yourself with the JPiC Posting Policy, particularly the section which reads:

The Following Text Is Quoted:

As a forum for writers, we all love positive comments on our works. There is actually a section for "in-depth" critique and suggestions: The Critique Saloon - So unless the author of a posted piece SPECIFICALLY REQUESTS "in-depth" critique - Please confine your comments to "general" commentary.

Jacquii.

ps - The same comment applies to you ERIC as well...
Please review the posting policy as noted above.
Infractions noted...

[DaveKuzminski]

It's important for a writer to learn how to write properly. It would be rude and cruel to let him go on and on and on embarrassing himself. My assessment might have been blunt, but it wasn't rude to point out he needs to work on technique now, not later.

It's easier to learn now and apply that learning as one writes rather than write a mountain of words that will prove too daunting to ever go back and fix.

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by DaveKuzminski

It's important for a writer to learn how to write properly. It would be rude and cruel to let him go on and on and on embarrassing himself. My assessment might have been blunt, but it wasn't rude to point out he needs to work on technique now, not later.

It's easier to learn now and apply that learning as one writes rather than write a mountain of words that will prove too daunting to ever go back and fix.

Yes - perhaps - But the JPiC Policy is in place for a reason.

Can you imagine if ALL Members go about posting to each others writing as you have posted here? There would be no JPiC - All Members would be mad at each other and possibly too intimidated to ever post again. Some of us are actually sensitive about our craft... You have to remember - We are in the business of inspiring each other to write. We are not in the business of tearing each other down, criticizing each stray mispelled word or oddly placed comma, the whole while offering a gutteral reproach.

So Yes! Some of us may be seeking literary perfection, whether when sharing our own works or reading other Members' work.... Some of us are not; We are hobbyist writers, enjoying the camaraderie of the Community atmosphere that JPiC is about. We're here to enjoy the interesting story or poem that our friends have so unabashedly shared.

Certainly there are professionals like you and I who will cringe at certain techniques... But... Just please do try to remember that when posting/commenting on other Members' writing, JPiC does indeed have a posting policy in place. Our posting policy is to the benefit of the entire Community.

Jacquii.

[nomadicrhymer]

Booobooo, I found this story to be short and sweet. It was really very funny. A bit rambling and some punctuation to be corrected, but overall I got a good grasp of the story line and found it very interesting and titillating indeed! Just a delicate bit of risque without being overly lusty. I like that the character was willing to wait on the lady's reaction and didn't force further advances on her. Very good! See my message to you for some suggestions, if you are interested in any of them, ok?

Nomad

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by nomadicrhymer

Just a delicate bit of risque without being overly lusty.

You have yet to read parts 2 - 6 lol - where the risque becomes a little.......less delicate.
And yes - 3 Cheers for the PM system

Jacquii.