Inspiring Novelists:

[PaintedDiary]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Sealiah

Wow PD. Just wow. I love this. It's exquisite, and beautiful. You always did have a way with imagery.

Dear Sealiah,

Thank you soooo much for reading and commenting! I am very happy you like this entry and I have #2 posted so far also. I must catch up on my Sealiah fix...lol...thanks again...love ya!

PD

[Mysty]

Awesome Kim.... what can one say ...... this just draws one in and now I am off to read part two..

[DaveKuzminski]

This reminds me in a good way of how some novels began in the early 1900s. It's simple, direct to the point, and it lets the reader determine within the first page whether to go on reading (or make a purchase). Though the hints are rather broad about the individual being a vampire, it's not definite meaning it could be be someone occult. I'm of a divided opinion as to how soon the actual identity and makeup of the hidden individual should be revealed. You run the risk of aggravating anyone who doesn't care for vampire stories if you reveal that too late while you have a similar risk of limiting your readership if you reveal that too soon.

In other matters, capitalization is in need of work. Psychologist is not an uncommon profession, so it's not in need of capitalization in the first sentence. Also, and even more distracting is the formatting. Please highlight the entire section and use the flush left-ragged right paragraph setup. I put off reading this until now hoping that would be fixed.

[PaintedDiary]

Thank you Dave for reading and commenting....I appreciate your commentary. I did keep in mind the readers when scribing this, and decided that the entry is not too much to read if someone wants more, and not too much to read if someone does not like vampire stories. Additionally, I decided to introduce the Vampire element in the second entry.

The beauty of this craft, and one that I love is the fact that I can write with simplicity, go technical, or write advanced. After being a scientist for almost 20 years, my PhD documents, and Nasa (all required)..I only wrote in the latter. So now I love to express and experiment with my writing and creativity on all levels.

I will implement your suggestions, and thank you for them. The alignment was done that way for no other reason than my preference at the time, and experiment. However, formally, I do know the alignment would need to be adjusted.


Kim

[PaintedDiary]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Mysty

Awesome Kim.... what can one say ...... this just draws one in and now I am off to read part two..

Thank you Mysty for taking time to read and to comment. I was hoping to draw in my audience before revealing in Entry #2 the vampire element. I'm happy you enjoyed.....thank you again sis!

Kim

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

This mysterious haze of a woman, my lover, had been visiting me every night, leaving behind aromas of dust, naked bone, and arcane blood. She didn’t have a face, didn’t speak, and was virtually invisible; yet, I could still feel her gossamer like touch and the goose bump chill of her breath.

wow KIM - This 4th edit you've presented is nearly immaculate in my opinion - it's so interesting to see the metamorphosis between the 1st post and the edited entries - your story has definitely taken on an interesting shape. I too am glad you didn't center the texts, it reads much better when the text is left-aligned.

At anyrate - this is quite an impressive write - Very poetically stated actually. Oh! And I'm so happy to see that you implemented some of the suggestions JOLIE and MS N and GAIL added - You can definitely tell you've gained a bit of insight into your story from the suggestions made - Wonderful to see... And the passage I highlighted above - I think perhaps it may be JUST enough of a hint that there is some "other-worldly" event in the works. Sounds like just the hint of a vampire tale. Just enough to whet my appetite for entry #2

Very nice - Moving on to Dali Diary Entry #2

Jacquii.

ps - I am so glad you edited the word "piquant" to "captivating" because I'm not exactly sure a person can be piquant - perhaps a bellpepper can be a piquant one, or the color burgandy can be piquant if the sun hits it just right LOL

[Curtis Spider Lee]

Bravo Painted One! I have always enjoyed you writes and this one is no exception! Dr. O'Hara seem to be a great Dr. I think I should change mine! I bet I'd fall for her...lol! This story is really good and I like the way you carefully chose you words here to create the mood here! Nice pinmanship Painted One!

[Kit Carson]

Yes...indeed, and look what I finally found while posting it, lol. Very creative thought process going on here...I even enjoyed the various edits and conversations from the other writers. This is good stuff and finds you expanding your explorations into gothic and classic fiction with a twist. Very nicely done!

[PaintedDiary]

Dear Ms Jacquii, my Spidy, and Kit,

Thank you all so much for reading and commenting! This has been an experience and I have implemented the suggestions from you, Sarah, Jolie, Nomad, and Gail! That is the beautiful part also to see writers helping other writers and is one process writers who want to succeed should do.

Dear Ms Jacquii....Yes, I have gained a tremendous amount of insight, and actually has given me more inspiration and ideas for the story! I did want to give a subtle hint and you hit it on the nail! I am also mixing some poetic writing in it as well...but not too much as per your suggestion. I did edit that word as per Ms Nomad's suggestion and it works soooooo much better with the visual and mood I was trying to convey. Metamorphosis is the definitely the word for this write! Thank you so much for everything! Love ya!

Dear Spidy!...Doctor O'Hara is taken as you will see soon... Thank you sooo much for reading and commenting! Yes...you are so write (lol) about choosing my words carefully, and I am soooo happy you see that and are enjoying this story. I wanted to do a story with a few twists. Actually, I like to write all my dark stories with a twist, lol...however, I wanted my characters to "feel" real to some degree. That is one of my goals as a writer to write my stories and the characters to come alive and jump off the page. I am NOT there yet, but working on it! lol...Love ya!..

Dear Kit...thank you soooo much for reading and commenting! Yes...I wanted to do something different. Ya know Kit, this story was in my head for quite some time and I was NOT going to post. I talked it over with Ms Jacquii and decided to do so. I am soooo happy I did! The input from the other writers is phenomenal and helped me pull it together! Also it is good for others to read and experience the interaction with the other writers as you mentioned. I have expanded and it is awesome! Thanks Kit! Love ya!

Kim...

[stardust]

Dear Ms. Kim:
I am finding myself sitting here at the PC., and re-reading your story again. It is sooo well laid. Your story captivates the readers in so many ways. The plot, the intrigues, the outcomes and so on, there is so much going on. I would also like to add about the interaction among the writers that is overwhelming. All the exchanges and the great help that we get from other readers and writers around here are truly superb. There is so much to learn and to share. This is a fabulous and a very friendly Forum for Writers that, I am indeed, so proud to have joined almost a couple of years ago. There is so much to learn and to share between us. I am so happy for you that you are getting all the success that you truly deserve. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WRITE!! You are an amazing writer and poetess.
Bye the way, Have a Happy Memorial Day, sweet Kim!!
Cordially,
Starry.