Inspiring Novelists:

[PaintedDiary]

Revision #2...

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday, and I could not wait till nightfall to see her. My heart felt as if it could burst into rose-scented potpourri just thinking of her. She was a forbidden gem, unearthed from the turbulence of my dreams. As days faded into nights, my sheaf of diaries overflowed with languid murmurs of my hunger to see her.

My disquieting love for her went beyond the realm of the universe, where reality breaks down and becomes distorted. I craved her vaporous caresses and slumbered in the quiescence of her nocuous lullabies. My soliloquies cried out to her, and I became obsessed with what Dali may have looked like.

My mind painted her as the pinnacle of beauty, like fragrant camphire. I thought perhaps Dali had silken sepia-colored skin adorned with ancient voile lace, and hair of shiny coal-black tendrils. I imagined her lips painted like red wine, complimenting caliginous eyes, reflecting melancholy moonlight. Her hauntingly sweet voice resonated an aria of eeriness that lingered in my mind all day.

All the while, silently seething in her mind was a menacing menagerie of malignant emotions. Her deathly darkness penetrated me, asphyxiated me, and swallowed me with each tumultuous tryst. I felt like her secret marionette hanging on obsequious laden strings. Each bone-chilling night, Dali invaded my privacy, and my body approved the invasion.

I was captured by her manipulation, mesmerized by her lecherous blood-sucking seduction, and enmeshed by her sempiternal life of death. Perilously caged by her mental shackles, my sanity began to dissolve like yesterday’s butterscotch clouds. What haunted me was the question; why did she choose me?

Sascha Sterling

Ms Jacquii for taking time to read and comment! I wanted to present a poetic angle to the story with the 3rd entry and you got it right away!

I also wanted my audience to want more with this entry as it is a teaser......and now yes...it is time for the story to unfold.

I changed the sentence highlighted as per your suggestion and I see exactly what you mean. I tried experimenting with "Alliteration", and got carried away..lol. I now see that it can be a distraction.

Thank you sooo much for the help and hope this reads much smoother.

Kim