Fred Myers nervously glanced over his shoulder to see if the troops were behind him yet. As they raggedly marched by, Fred viewed the portable teleprompter. "Passing in review is the First Zombie Brigade commanded by Captain Norman. Thank you for granting us an interview, Captain."
"Proud to be here."
"Tell us what was it like. Certainly, commanding the first zombie soldiers had to be a different experience for you."
"Well, we discovered we could use tactics that wouldn't work for regular soldiers."
"Such as what, Captain?"
"Well, we staged ambushes by playing dead. Even the most suspicious enemy soldiers were fooled. The brigade not only looked dead, they smelled dead. Many of the enemy were too shocked to fight back when we rose up to quickly surround and capture them."
"But didn't they check?"
"Sure, they checked. They even shot some of my soldiers. However, my soldiers knew not to move until I gave the signal. After all, my soldiers were already dead, so they didn't have to worry about getting shot."
"That makes sense. Did you use any other tactics?"
"Yes, our fake surrender tactic. We let ourselves be captured and taken to enemy headquarters for interrogation. Of course, we had to use a lot of deodorant beforehand so the enemy wouldn't suspect the majority of the brigade was already dead, rather than just wounded and in need of medical attention."
"Didn't the enemy notice the seriousness of the wounds?"
"We used bandages and camouflage paint over those. Those enemy soldiers were awfully proud of capturing our brigade until we turned the tables on them. Believe me, they were as surprised as any enemy soldier we'd ever fooled before when they found out the soldiers they were fighting were already dead and couldn't be killed. At any rate, I was proud to be their commander considering our last attack was largely responsible for ending the war."
"As you, no doubt, ought to be. So, what does the future hold for the brigade?"
"Unfortunately, this is their last day on active duty. After the parade, they'll be buried with honors."
"There won't be a zombie unit after today, Captain?"
"Not on active duty. Of course, if they're needed again, I'm sure the military will dig them up."
"Should I assume that you'd look forward to leading them again if active duty should recall them from the grave?"
"Most definitely. They're a great bunch of soldiers, even if they are dead."
"Well, I see that your unit has almost shambled past us now. Thank you for spending some time with us, Captain. I'll let you return to your place beside your unit in the victory parade."
"Thank you, sir, for the opportunity."
"In a moment, folks, we hope to have an interview with the commander of the First Vampire Scouting Company while the caissons roll past carrying their coffins. Please stay tuned for our interview with Captain Silver."
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Victory Parade
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