Miscellaneous:

[SarahNSH]

Words twisting,
control slipping.
Heart resisting,
hurt gripping.

Asking why,
Hurt showing.
Tears dry,
Pain growing.

Mind reeling,
words express.
Heart healing,
finally confess.

Overcoming pain,
thoughts clear.
Demons slain,
I persevere.

[MsJacquiiC]

Oh wow SARAH - I like this write very much - I love the 2-word/per line structure - it makes the meaning of your poem such a crisp and succinct one. I always like poems that are self-affirming and this write is a good example of having the courage to persevere throughout any of life's little tribulations.

Nice! Thanx for sharing.

Jacquii.

[SarahNSH]

Jacquii, thank you very much for reading my poem and for your feedback too on it! I've only attempted this with two poems, this is one and then I have another as well with the two line rhyming. It's very challenging and not easy to do... and kinda tricky but I'm glad to get your feedback on it because it is a little revolutionary with how it's structured.

I really do appreciate your feedback and it helps me feel much more sure of this poem because I am unsure of people will like it because it's a style I made up. Thanks again!

[nomadicrhymer]

I get a very clear picture of what's happening here...and as Ms. J. said...very succinct...so it has more impact upon the reader. Nice style!...I say as one who is a rebel of poetic styles...I make up whichever one I feel suits the poem as it progresses through my pen.

Nomad


check this one out (Ms. J. thanks for the title!! I changed it!)
http://jpicforum.info/miscellaneous/...ment-1966.html

[MsJacquiiC]

Nice! I think Melange of Disillusionment is a nice title for your poem
It's interesting to not the structure similarity too.

JAcquii.

[Abae]

Y find it interesting
cause it has it's own
beat to it.

When reading it
almost comes off
as a song.

Thanks for the
read.

[PaintedDiary]

Dear Sarah,

I too love the structure of this poem. Easy to read and packed the punch with each line. Though succinct...the poem demands attention from beginning to end. It has power! Ms Nomad's writing is like that as well, beautiful and powerful. It does give us a snapshot into a window of you as well. This is the kind of poem that should be read out loud...I found myself tapping my foot along...very rhythmical!

Those last two lines...

Demons slain,
I persevere.

are superb and end with a lasting punch as well! Love it! Keep'm coming Sarah!!

Kim

[SarahNSH]

Thanks for reading and reviewing! This is just a great poem to say out loud, it just kind of rolls to the next word and has this nice rhythm to it that sounds good in my head and which is why I went for this style. It takes off any excess words and just is like a flashbulb of imagery/emotion with the words, or at least that's what I was trying to do.

Thank you Nomad, Abae, and Kim! I'm glad that you liked the rhythm with it, Kim, and found yourself tapping your toes to it... I kind of tap my toes to it too so I'm happy to hear it had that affect on you as well.

[butchiesmom]

What I like the most about this poem is the imagery and the emotions which radiate from it. From the first line: Words twisting...it sucked me into the place you'd built and didn't let me go until the last line...I persevere....

I liked the structure also, because I really haven't seen many like it. You're right, it's a challenge to create images with just two words and very little cliches. You were up to the challenge!

Great job!

Gail

[booobooo]

I Think It Is Great Sarah...Two Liners Are The Best Way Of Expressing Very Especially Instant Emotions. I Call Them The Fast Food Of Poetry...