Ghetto

Starr · 04:33 AM

Snow dusts the ghetto
with a cool, daunting potency;

Hopeless sun not of custard,
needles exchanged not of pine.

Winter buries
the cracked streets and their children over time.

butchiesmom · 01-28-2008, 10:37 PM

When I read this the first time, it was with my front yard as a reference (snow) I thought hmm! Then I read it again with the title in mind.

What I saw, when I reread this poem, was a powerful message! I hope the despair I thought I read in these lines and the hopelessness of the snow burying the streets and the children over time will be overpowered by mankind.

Snow dusts the ghetto
with a cool, daunting potency;

Hopeless sun not of custard,
needles exchanged not of pine.

Winter buries
the cracked streets and their children over time.

I can see why you've been published so many times. You've created a powerful picture of hopelessness with so few words.

BTW, my friends call me Gail

crazymamma5 · 01-30-2008, 10:22 AM

That definitely is powerful in such a small poem.
Loved it

Starr · 02-03-2008, 05:47 PM

Thank you so much for stopping by, checking out my poem and for your awesome comments! I'll post more. I'm new with this site and it overwhelms me with all of its functions, etc...I'm trying to befriend it though (slowly but surely.) Miss Jacquii is very nice. She's lessened my intimidation of it significantly. :-) Peaceout. Starr

Starr · 02-03-2008, 05:51 PM

Hi Gail...thank you so much for re-reading this poem and for your sweet comments. I worked for 6 years as a street advocate and witnessed a lot of kids who resorted to drugs, so this was kind of a tribute to them. I'm glad that you liked it enough to come back twice and look forward to hearing from you (on my other poems as I post them.) Take care! Starr

zaac · 02-03-2008, 06:06 PM

few words. long meaning...succinctness leaves a silence where only truth can be heard.

zaac

Starr · 02-04-2008, 09:56 AM

...for your cool comments about "Ghetto." :-) - Starr

MsJacquiiC · 02-05-2008, 09:16 AM

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Starr

Hopeless sun not of custard,
needles exchanged not of pine.

Winter buries
the cracked streets and their children over time.

I too like this poem - it's quite a poignant one, vivid with imagery - which is to say the vividry is astounding. Hey STARR - thanx for your kind words - I'm glad you're getting a bit more used to navigating the Forum - of course you know if ever I can be of help - just send a PM. ALSO both KIM and MS N have volunteered to help with any questions you have about the Forum as well!

At anyrate - I like your style! The subtle rhyme in the 2nd and 3rd stanzas was very nice - an "easy" rhyme persay - but executed just brilliantly IMO. This poem and its style reminds me of Zora Neale Hurston actually!

Nice share = Thanx for posting it

Jacquii.

Starr · 02-05-2008, 09:49 AM

I am honored by your comments. :-) I'm a little guy anyway (5'3",) so when I write, I like to write "little" poems with big teeth; poems that bite hard (well...not THAT hard!,) but that kinda chomp down and give the reader a "little" kick in the ass. :-) Thanks again for reading, helping, commenting and of course, for being so nice to me. I appreciate it. It IS gettin' a little easier now, so long as I stay within the more "basic" confines. Have a good day and looks like I'll be around 4 a while. Peaceout. Starr