Gott ist tot - Poetry in Color Forum
Register Members List JPiC Blogs Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read JPiC Newsletter

Go Back   Poetry in Color Forum > Poetic Colours > Miscellaneous
JPiC Forum Chatbox
Chatbox Disabled For Your Usergroup...
* You must be logged in to view and use the JPiC Chatbox!
Recent JPiC Forum Posts
Newest Announcements/Admin Notes
 

Gott ist tot

Thread Information: This thread has 4 replies and has been viewed 231 times
 
Social Bookmarks Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-01-2007, 12:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
Sleepyholic
Yuuko's Avatar
Name: Luiza
Last Online:
01-20-2012 05:30 PM
Default Gott ist tot Yuuko Started This Thread
If I were to offend you, would you take it personally?
In your place, I wouldn’t but you are all, so sensitive…God forbid, one might inflict any sort of pain upon yourselves…Pathetic…a bunch of pathetic individuals always whining and bitching…You annoy me



On his pale horse, the Angel of Death is smoking a cigarette. He's bored and yawns nonchalantly. Barely born, he waits to die...but not before he witness them.
And so begins...



The child has died and now the father weeps...Air left his lungs, little streams of sweat trickle down along the temples, mixing with resilient tears.
He's been defeated
The mother plays with the skirt's selvedge while laying down on the front porch stairs...She hums the chorus from a dirge and oddly feels relieved.
The burden has been lifted
The child has died and so these poorly copies of Adam and Eve have died as well. The hands are shaking, the breaths are shallow, the shadows are staggering.
A scoff is heard.
Autumn wind flashes by, picking-up scattered words, unspoken thoughts, whispered dieing wishes. It's swift and lashes hard on the pale, sickened skin of the two.
Footsteps are crushing dried leaves under their weight.




If there is a God, than He's a sick SOB and don't give me than Job crap waiting for Divine Providence, enduring the Sadist's little tests of faith. The father scratches the back of the palm 'till it draws blood.
The question that now raises is this: What do you prefer? A merciless, cruel god, mocking each and every futile attempt for penance or a lack of deity, a savage hollowness, an utterly engulfing void? Tough choice, particularly if you're not into all that predicament bondage and co.
Anathema sit! - the Angel cries halfheartedly, mocking them. I want my child back, I beg of you bring my kid back. Than the man crumples to the ground and after a while forces himself to kneel.
A heavy pant can be sensed
The woman starts laughing hysterically. After the sound damps, a couple gagged hiccups break the eerie silence once more.
She must've choked on the salty liquid.



Until now, nothing that's been said or thought or in any other way, expressed - has been original, it's been already said and thought before. Pain pours and thrusts in the same way for all of living beings, no mortal is more special than the other. The child has died and so have the ones surrounding him.



The horseman dismounts and as it starts to approach the two, begins to disperse until nothing remains. The father's face is turned to watch the mother.
She is no longer there.
Not being able to protect the only decent thing to do is to abandon.
Circles. Instinct. Intellect. Anima.



Wilding his left hand into a fist, he plunges the fingernails into the soft palm. He gets up, straightens his clothes and gets in the house, leaving the door opened. He goes to the study room, opens a drawer from the desk, sits down and waits...



In the garden, a deafening noise is heard from the inside, followed soon, by a thud. The ravens start flying, cursing and chanting.
The wheel stops spinning.




I was pretty zealous with the footnotes...Yadda-yadda o_O

Optional:
*Gott ist tot - God is dead; "God is Dead; but given the way of men, there may still be caves for thousands of years in which his shadow will be shown. And we—we still have to vanquish his shadow, too.[...]But when Zarathustra was alone he spoke thus to his heart: 'Could it be possible? This old saint in the forest has not yet heard anything of this, that God is dead!' ("Thus Spoke Zarathustra", Friedrich Nietzsche)
*pale horse - "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."(Revelation 6:8)
*Job - Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy(James 5:11); I know that my Redeemer lives" (Job 19:25)
*Anathema sit - Be banished.
Last edited by Yuuko; 09-14-2007 at 05:29 AM.
 

Old 09-14-2007, 05:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
Sleepyholic
Yuuko's Avatar
Name: Luiza
Last Online:
01-20-2012 05:30 PM
Default Re: Gott ist tot Yuuko Started This Thread
Bump out of feeling a tad neglected
 

Old 09-18-2007, 04:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
Name: Phillip Shepherd
Last Online:
07-01-2011 09:24 AM
Default Re: Gott ist tot
Hey Yuuko hun,

First of all, I really appreciated your time taken into your comment on my poem. That was sweet of you.

Now on to your poem. I must admit I am rather confused as to the direction in the whole story. I am aware that you have introduced parents who are suffering from the loss of thier child. I think that the mother dies? but I am not clear on it. And I seem to not know that much about the Angel of Death, and His role in this.. does He also take the wife's life along with the child's? Other then these problem points I brought up, I conclude that this topic of this poem is a rather strong one and you have definitly conveyed strong emotions.. but I'm not that sure as to who is feeling those emotions.

I think that if you take these points into concideration, and edit your piece while your at it.... you might just have a powerful write in the making here.


Good Luck!



phil
~*~suck me into your happyness, your bliss....
let me find myself lost in your spirit~*~



 

Old 09-18-2007, 04:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
Moderator
nomadicrhymer's Avatar
Name: Therese
Gender: Female
Location: Claremont, CA
nomadicrhymer's Mood:
Last Online:
04-05-2012 11:54 AM
Default Re: Gott ist tot
Hmmm...I never noticed this one Luiza...kinda strange, weird not sure where you are going with it...makes me wonder, though. If there is an Angel of Death (aside from the one who is supposed to be loosed during "Revelation Times") do you think he speaks English? ...or thinks in English...or do they have a "heavenly" language that they use? And do they modernize automatically in their thought processes as men do, as the thousands of years go by?

As always...your spiels are never boring...but thought provoking...pretty cool!

Nomad

Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible."
 

Old 09-24-2007, 01:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
Name: Phillip Shepherd
Last Online:
07-01-2011 09:24 AM
Default Re: Gott ist tot
hey there friend...

i was wondering what you thought about my suggestions on your Gott ist tot poem....

i hope i didnt over step my boundaries when i gave you that advice.. i just thought it would

help bring certain points out clearer...

as always the subject of death is a very scary one and you drove the point even closer to home with the death of a child..... that part really did effect me... cause i know that those horrible passing's happen everyday... but i dont think anyone can say who is responsible and who is not.. i just think that it is a part of life... literally... we all belive that life should be fullfilling and promising... but it can still be even when death takes life away... death can bring an awakening that life never could....

anyway.. that was my way of being more personal on my feelings about your poem...
 


JPiC Portal > Main Forum Index > Poetic Colours > Miscellaneous

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



Navigation
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:44 AM.
GreetingsGalleryOnline.com

Powered by vBulletin® gets JPiCans scribing.
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Some Custom Pages Using vBAdvanced CMPS