Miscellaneous:

[bloodletting_of_the_sky]

another day i sish i knew no one

they dont miss a clue

wish i was never included at all

i wouldnt share the loss

i wouldnt exsist at all

and the rest of the world could go on feeling

without me


i would have never lived to feel the heartbreak

of losing friend after freind

of missing chance after chance

to tell them how much i loved them


i would have never been a thought in anyone's mind

those i knew wouldnt have wondered why i never tried

to open up to them.. i was so afraid

that they would judge me like i did...

and they would throw my advice away


so out of fear i never shined...

now it's as though i never lived at all

i blend into the background

because no one knows...

the heart inside of me.... how it glows

how it's ready to overflow


God the agony tears me....

i see them all go about destructing

and i want them to know i accept them no matter what they do

but i'm afraid that i'm the one they will never listen to.


i meet these people ever day

they have changed my life in every way

through dark bitter winter night's

under the downtown bridge

listening to drunken fights.


the anger just broke my heart more

they never knew how special they where

how i held them dear.. close to me....

how i will always remember their memory

now they're gone.. dead

and i lay at night thinking about everything i could have said

instead i let my jugdements hold me back .....

appearence's where less important then that....


they spent day's and night's drowning themselves in a poll of tonic

to wash away all memory of the nightmarish yesterday's

then tommorow came bright and early

and the same mistakes where made

makes me wonder why God wakes us up each day?

[Aumakua]

Of all the poems i've read on here so far this one is my all time favorite. It just overflows with so much emotion and i can feel such a connection with it. I have to read this one a few more times

[bloodletting_of_the_sky]

i have so much to say about the poem "Holding Back Everything" and your commment on it.. it has a real meaning one that's such a big loss in my life... and i wish i'll never forget it... the fact that you connected with this makes me feel scared.. i dont know how you connected with it.. but i want you to get the true message... and one of the things you said to one of my comments on one of your poems.. was that you appreciated the fact that i look at the things that really truely matter.. the things that people dont understand...
well if you want the truth.. i think there is a thief in all of us.. a thief that takes away fleeting thoughts of insight and heart.... and replaces them with a careless outlook
i think that thief steals the soul in us.. and replaces our soul with fluff...
you dont know the fight i have in me to recover my heart everyday.. it would be so easy to shut the world out.. but i know there si to many people already closed off in this world and i dont need to add myself to that list.. i know that i can make a difference.. by staying open... and these terrible, scary, and sometimes lonesome losses... are in fact life lessons that i need to treasure... because they could be my last chance to embrace a hope of deliverance... to be delivered from bitterness.. to be delivered of hopelessness...
because beyond a shadow of a doubt i know that i'm not alone.. and if i shut my heart and close my mind.. i would have thrown away all hope of meeting that one person who truely needed me to care...
and i know just how lonely it feels to feel like noone really knows.. i couldnt let that happen to anyone i know...

so i just want you to know.. that out of trial and error.. i have learned the great risk of letting the burden defeat me.. and i have chosen to keep pressing forward till i make it through... and knowing all of this.. i will be there for you.. even though i dont really know you.. for whatever you need... please just tell me... i'll be hear to listen.. because i remember what it felt like when no one listened to me.

[Aumakua]

I love your responses to all the poems... so meaningful. Didn't mean to scare ya.... but i'm a different kind of person. My life since i've been born until recently this year wasn't really that nice of life... *coughs* Yup.... That's prolly why i can relate to alot of stuff like this. I feel these same emotions that you describe in your poetry (i think that's depressions fault though >.>) Yea... there's always something inside of you that takes away even the slightest 'happiness' that you may find and tries to make you believe you have none... alot of people (even myself most of the time) end up believing it and just getting more depressed and hopeless .____________. Then you try to explain it to your 'friends' because you need to talk ASAP; not something you can lay off. All they do is either understand it the wrong way and drive you more insane than you are or they ignore you altogether or give you solutions you know are just not something you're willing to do. So then you keep all these feelings inside and gaze coldy at the world and everyone standing before you. People (even your own family) begin to believe you don't care and that you're nothing but a fucked up cold person who no longer feels.... you hear all they say but stfu and act like you didn't. But it hurts inside doesn't it? You seem to only talk to yourself but hell all that does is make you more furious! You believe in God and try to get closer but every attempt seems to make you drift farther....

Whooo i ranted... sorry ^^;

[bloodletting_of_the_sky]

do you know the reason i never want to let the bitterness, confusion, and frustration get to me and shut me down? because look at all the bitter people you know.. those ones who pass judgement like there's no tommorow.. those ones that give you the cold shoulder even when you try to put yourself in thier shoes.... they dont realize that what they're feeling inside could be turned around.. if they just reach out.. if they look between the lines and see that besides the differences in all of us.. we all bleed differently.. we all have our own limmit.. some people can take on the whole world.. and others feel like it's all they can do to just take one step after the other... but we'll never know why they snap and break and go over the edge sooner then we do.. because they dont take the opprotunity to open up and share what's in thier life... what they've lived through.. if you see how much your fellow brother has been put through in his of her life.. you can gain a certain understanding as to why they are who they are.. why the react the way they do.. and how much they regret the things that they do.. it feels like everyone these days try's to hold everyone accountable for thier mistakes.. and when you do that.. how can the other person move forward.. when you hold thier mistakes over thier head.. things they had no control over.. yet we still point the finger... instead of pointing the blame at others we need to reachout... show compassion.. show mercy... try to put yourself into someone elses shoes.. instead of staying selfish and bitter over your own problems .. over your own fears.. that's how people learn to shut down..
we got to break through the walls to reach through and tug at the heart.. to say i'm here.. i'm listening. right now i dont care what i'm going through.. i just want to be here for you.

[Aumakua]

I agree on what you wrote, and people should stop holding others mistakes over them... cuz i've had that done to me and it's really annoying and makes you feel like shit -.-*** But some people... after suffering for so long begin to embrace the pain and punishment they've been through. They being to love what they once hated (like depression for example) and once that pain disperses they go insane for they feel lost without it. Even when offered help... they choose to stay alone because it's all they've become accosstomed (spelling? @___@) to and even the small thought of changing makes them want to break open their heads. They question themselves endlessly but find no answer... they are Independent and just want to be alone. For finally the loneliness that corroded them ironically is now giving them friendship. To even come in contact with another living human (even the thought of it) makes them want to retreat, alone. They continue to write their sad works and to everyone appear just fine. Why? Because all of this is in their mind. I am one of these people... sadly this is what i've become....

[bloodletting_of_the_sky]

ah... i dont believe that there are any people in this world that are to cold to break through to.... i just belive that most of the time it gets to hard to face and you get to tired of thinking about it so you just kind of shutt down.. i bleive that if you dont seperate yourself from the chaos, and you are always amongst it everyday.. you have no solitude just to sit back and think on all the circumstances and all the mistakes and all the reactions.. and all the punishments.. looking back is the best way to discover your innocence.. that's what i had to do when i was blamed for my stepdad's alcoholism... or when i was blamed for all the turmiol and injustice that went on between my mom and stepdad in my childhome.. after i escaped the maddness i had time to reflect.. and i came upon my innocence.. and no one can convince me anymore that i was anything more then a victum of injustice.. and i was most certainly never the inflictor....
so.... the search for your innocence lies before you.. you cant have anyone tell you.. you have to put yourself on trial... and judge your own actions and mistakes... and then you will find yourself truely innocent... and forgiveness will be your reward...

ah... *sigh's a long exasperated sigh of releif* that felt so refreshing to tell you my solution to this world's judgement!
hope you take it to your heart.. cause this really meens something

[Aumakua]

... You're too nice of a person. Well... you're too nice and you show it. Not that it's a bad thing. Hell i don't even think of myself anymore, but i don't show it x] Hmmmmmm it seems like you only understood what i said half way... i think x.x Even chu can't understand my point! :O Oh well =| I ish to never be understood....