Miscellaneous:

[Eric]

I watch you
as the wind tangles gentle fingers
in your hair
I watch
how the moonlight wraps you
in its embrace
How the stars
dance in
your eyes
I watch you sleep
brushing a silken lock of hair
from your eyes
Your heart
and your soul
these are my treasures
I will protect them
and you
as long as you will have me.

[butchiesmom]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Eric

I watch you
as the wind tangles gentle fingers
in your hair
I watch
how the moonlight wraps you
in it's embrace
How the stars
dance in
your eye's
I watch you sleep
brushing a silkin lock of hair
from your eye's
Your heart
and your soul
these are my treasures
I will protect them
and you
as long as you will have me.

I will do whatever you want as long as you keep talking to me like this! Whew! I need a smoke! Too bad I quit almost 20 years ago, lol.

My God (and I don't use those words lightly) the images! It's not just scent or sight, it's touch and sensation! I saw, I read, I need my husband....lol. Very, very, very damn fanfreakintastic poem!

Having said that (sorry Jacquii, it's just too good for this to stay) I have some suggestion which will help with the impact. The changes I've made are bolded. I strongly suggest these changes only because they are spelling and punctuation in words, not changing words themselves.

in its embrace
your eyes
brushing a silken lock of hair
from your eyes

I hope you take the time to introduce yourself. It would be interesting to see how long you've been writing because you obviously have talent.

hugs,
Gail

[PaintedDiary]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by butchiesmom

I will do whatever you want as long as you keep talking to me like this! Whew! I need a smoke! Too bad I quit almost 20 years ago, lol.

My God (and I don't use those words lightly) the images! It's not just scent or sight, it's touch and sensation! I saw, I read, I need my husband....lol. Very, very, very damn fanfreakintastic poem!

I hope you take the time to introduce yourself. It would be interesting to see how long you've been writing because you obviously have talent.

hugs,
Gail

LOLOL @ Gail! However....she is absolutely right. This was an amazing piece in all its brevity. Every woman will fall in love with this poem Eric...and again to the community. Shew! Excellent rating! Love it!

Dr. Rob...