Miscellaneous:

[Azekiel-Horizon]

*Wonderland* -forgot the r in wonderland

Dull senses are satiated with a plethora of narcotics
that illuminate perception.
Illustrating no understanding of over-consumption,
Around a world of inebriation are rippling walls that rip through the wall of reality.
The "green dragon" consumes sobriety
as xanax, Valium,klonopin, and codeine fall from a rainbow and into the bodies passage way.
A pizza party with pies covered in mushrooms
celebrates the otherworldly experience of LSD (Loving Substances Dearly).
Nearly every acid trip is to a wonderful land.
Full of cannabis coffee shops, and the largest red light district.
Smitten by this euphoria an obsession to return occurs.
Only more drugs can curve the appetite
so more servings of cold pizzas top with shrooms are in order....... (2-9-11)

[MsJacquiiC]

Hi Azekiel-Horizon and welcome to JPiC - I hope you'll introduce yourself over at the Member Introductions section.

Hmmm - perhaps the green dragon would be more substantial if instead of "weed" with your liquor - there's marinol stirred fondly into it --- Anyway - nice piece - it needs a bit of polishing though. It's riddled with spelling errors, which sorta threw me off. If I had been in a particularly silly mood - I'd have tried to find each and every error as to fit the letters into a puzzle, see if there's a hidden message there somewhere within.

But I'm not in a particularly silly mood LOL

3 things immediately came to mind when reading this piece:

1. I want a slice or 2 or 3 of that special pizza please...
2. Have you any firewater to chase it down with...?
3. I wonder if you have special brownies for desert. I have icecream.

Anyway - This piece made me thirsty - I think I'll have another beer. Thanks for the share

Jacquii.

[Azekiel-Horizon]

Yeah I see what you mean, with the errors and I corrected. To be honest I was under the influence of some of that pizza when I wrote that piece but lets just keep that between you and I. LOL Good looking on the feedback

[MsJacquiiC]

There's a whole lot of letters between I and U right hahahaha
I noticed the corrections now- Still there is "y" in ever which you mean "every" - 9th line.
Don't mind me - I'm a stickler for wanting to get thangs right LOL - it's amazing how I seem to miss my own punctuation and spelling errors...

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Azekiel-Horizon

Full of cannabis coffee shops, and the largest red light district.

Anyway- reading that line - I think the piece would not suffer at all if you were to split to a new stanza right there and expand on this concept of red light district. I mean - you mention LSD - even perhaps in a different concept than the literal - but even the mention of LSD begs for the visual of literal colors.

[jakeminick]

pretty good, especially if you had a gut full of shrooms. makes me want some.