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Nails.

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Old 02-13-2008, 10:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
Flookyyy
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Default Re: Nails. Flookyyy Started This Thread
Stood unaccompanied on the platform
Your smile then comes from the crowd
And I remember why I'm there.
The glint in your eye as you shake your head and shuffle through the barrier catches my attention
And I remember what 'love' is.
This isn't a fling but I'm no Nancy.
A week later I'm back where I started
As your train departs
I'm trying to remember what you taste like.
 

Old 02-13-2008, 12:21 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Dear Flookyyy,

Ooooohhhh I like! Love the vividry and semi-dark undertone here. Captures your audience from the beginning till the end with enchantment. The title caught my eyes first...then my mind pondered....fantabulous! Makes the reader's develop their own images and opinion if you will, as the poem unfolds. The fourth line does stand out as it is longer than the others and perhaps that's what you wanted to accomplish. This would make a great painting in soft pastels......loved it!

Kimberly


Never, Never____ Stop Painting Your Diary!!




 

Old 02-13-2008, 02:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Woohoo! unexpected romances...I really like this poem...it tells a story in a few lines and takes the reader into unexpected pathways of love.

curious though...where do the "nails" come in?

Nomad

Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible."
 

Old 02-13-2008, 06:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
Flookyyy
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Default Re: Nails. Flookyyy Started This Thread
Firstly, thank you very much .

Secondly, the nails thing..
This is going to sound a bit silly maybe. But I was actually running this poem through my head and making it up as I was waiting for my partner at the trainstation. Whilst trying to think of a title, I kept remembering that as I was so nervous about seeing him again, I was biting my nails hahah. As much as I tried to think of a different title, 'Nails' kind of stuck.
.
Last edited by Flookyyy; 02-13-2008 at 06:51 PM.
 

Old 02-13-2008, 06:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Nails.
AAh...I thought maybe you were painting your nails in anticipation...hehe! Very nice poem!!!

Nomad
 


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