Miscellaneous:

[Lindamay]

In the silence of the night I hear you call my name and I come to you.
You do not see me, yet you do not doubt me.
I love you even more for that.

In the silence of the night I sit close by and gently hold your hand to quiet the trembling inside.
I hear the sounds of the battle raging within your dreams.

In the silence of the night I listen to your prayers and I reach out and lay my hand upon your chest to slow the heart that beats so wildly within.

Close your eyes and allow the fear of death to leave your mind.
In the silence of the night, I am here for you.

Lindamay

[alanmdouglas]

Dear Lindamay,

As a sentiment, this is very touching, and quite well written.

As a poem, I feel it needs tightening, and I personally would show it on the page in a much more poem-like form, which gives the reader some settled shapes to fasten on to.

Example :

In the silence of the night
I listen to your prayers
and I reach out
and lay my hand upon your chest
to slow the heart
that beats so wildly within.

Once you have done this, then other areas which could be strengthened appear - all those "and" ! Also, meter is sometimes broken, as in last line, better as :

that beats so wild, within.
- ^ - ^ - ^ , where ^ marks the stresses.

If what I say does not please, you, do ignore it, because in the end this has to be YOUR work, but if I can help further, please say.

Love
Alan

[MsJacquiiC]

Hey LINDAMAY - I actually enjoyed this one very much... ALAN's suggestion of giving the poem more shape is actually a very good one and really will help the poem "look" more than just prose... At anyrate I'll confine my comments to the "meat" of your piece...

The Following Text Is Quoted:

You do not see me, yet you do not doubt me.
I love you even more for that.

That passage reads just lovely... It speaks of an unfathomable faith, one that cannot be broken by anyone...

The last stanza solidifies that faith:

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Close your eyes and allow the fear of death to leave your mind.
In the silence of the night, I am here for you.

It's nice to know that the feeling is a reciprical one.
Enjoyed this poem very much - Thanx for sharing it with us.

Jacquii.

I agree with the previous sentiments, the poem greatly benifits from a more poetic format, and also I agree that it is a very good write with an uplifting message. Nicely done! Keith(bsd)

[Lindamay]

Thank you all, it means a lot to me to hear what others say about my writes. I no longer have a fear of holding back, thank you for creating such a warm road for me to travel down.

[Bear]

such a wonderful tribute to a special someone Its always nice to know even though they may be far apart that your still there for them excellent write Lindamay
hugs kisses
tom