Miscellaneous:

[Amzy]

Symbiont

There is pain deep inside me
Misery enhanced
A hundred times over
It tears at my soul
I can almost feel it
Eating away at my rotting flesh
Eating at me from within

Anguish without end
The trigger emotional
The pain is so physical
Cut open my stomach
And pull out the pain
Make it stop gnawing
Gnawing on my guts

Insatiable hunger
Is this hurt of mine
Flogging for sport
It taunts and it torments
Wreaking havoc with glee
And I play the host
I host the horrible beast

Replacing my life
With a force of its own
I give up and it wins
It has consumed me
Penetrated permeated
It is all that I am
I am nothing without it

How to be free
Rid of the sore
That occupies me
I could let it go
Set this pain free
To be with me no more
Then I’d be no more

I prefer rhyming poetry...but this one jumped out at me and it was all I could do to put it down on the keyboard. This one is totally raw, I haven't done any editing. Give me a harsh review. This goes in the 'to be worked on' pile.

[erikestabrook]

I think you should make some corrections first you not making actions plural and then you use the same words switched a couple of times thst doesn't work if there line to line next to each other, ex I play the host, then I host this horrible beast, then in the end you mellow it don't too much it a horrible beast tehn towards the end all it is is a sore sore can't do hardly what it has done right I think its a good poem just needs a little refinement

[Amzy]

Thanks, Erik. I'll try to correct he verb forms, but the repetition is intentional. The last 2 lines of each verse repeat a word. Eating, Gnawing, Host, I am, No more.

[erikestabrook]

YW yeah I should've thought about that but yeah all's good with that poem

[MsJacquiiC]

hey AMZY - I wasn't paying that much attention to the verb forms, as this isn't the The Critique Saloon section... I did - however - pay attention the the "meat" of your poem - This write is actually very good.... Speaks of the relationship of host v. parasite in a way... Speaks of co-dependence - but in an eerie way.

Flogging for sport
It taunts and it torments
Wreaking havoc with glee
And I play the host
I host the horrible beast

Wow - What a stanza - I'm really loving the unforced rhyme scheme you have going on in your poem

Then the last part really stress your point and defines "symbiotic"

I could let it go
Set this pain free
To be with me no more
Then I’d be no more

Very nicely written, though I must say now that I didn't read the note at the end of this piece... If you want I will move it to the Critique Saloon... But mostly I am loving the vybe of this piece; the emotion is raw and unapolegetic - it's real...

At anyrate - Thanx for sharing!

Jacquii.