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[Zanee]

The lonely night draw swiftly down
Covering the world in a deep black gown
Creeping softly in without a sound
As I sleep alone in this distant town.

I close my eyes, but sleep can't be found
Till your loving spirit wraps itself around
Then I'm covered and warm wrapped in love
An ethereal blanket keeps me safe and sound.

[Azekiel-Horizon]

Hey how are you? Let me first start off by saying this was a nice piece. When I first saw it I thought it was to short but when I read it I realize it was the perfect length. You did an excellent job of saying all that you wanted to express in a just a few words. Good work, hope you continue to drop these gems called poetry

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Zanee

The lonely night draw swiftly down
Covering the world in a deep black gown
Creeping softly in without a sound
As I sleep alone in this distant town.

I close my eyes, but sleep can't be found
Till your loving spirit wraps itself around
Then I'm covered and warm wrapped in love
An ethereal blanket keeps me safe and sound.

This actually seems an unfinished, hacked up version (aka rewrite of some sort) of a poem I've read before. A sonnet by Ryter Roethicle which can be found at Spensarian Sonnet

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Spiritual Feelings

The lonely night begins drawing swiftly down
As she creeps softly in without a sound
And covers the world in a deep black gown
I close my eyes, but sleep cannot be found.
Then your loving spirit wraps itself around
Distance shrinks in somnambulistic pleasure
An ethereal blanket keeps me safe aground
Dreaming and picturing warm nights together.
Lovers inseparate, knowing a love forever
As I sleep alone in this far distant place
I'm warmed knowing we could never sever
I feel my heart beat faster and my pulse race.
With mornings light finding myself blessed
All the time spent apart could never be a test.

So I won't comment on the content - but simply ask what's the purpose? What's the reasoning behind the 8 lines you posted if you apparently cannot better them? I don't get it...

In fact - this post seems an unexcited, unoriginal piece of almost-plagiarism.

Jacquii.

[some1]

Thought it was a good write until I read what Jac quoted...oh dear. So that leads me to the question as to your age? and If you are just starting out writing? I realize some that do take words from poets in the last and people that write on other sites. Welp, time for you to use your own words

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by some1

Welp, time for you to use your own words

I agree - so I'm shutting this thread down. Kinda sad...