Spoken Word & Freestyle:

[Mysty]

Revision....Which is better?
Sleeping Beauty


In Stasis
a sleeping beauty
existing in the moment.
Feeling expectation
waiting.
He has not arrived
still her heart calls out to him
sending visions of rose red lips
moist and parted.. awaiting
his urge to taste ...

In Stasis,
visions of family life
sharing and pledging
to themselves;
a fulfilled sense
of coming home .
Within her heart
she is awaiting his arrival
with a longing to consumate
this dream with reality.

In Stasis
the heart only dreams
and visions wing their way
to him.... soft supple skin,
rose hued blushes
hidden by cloth
passion that burns
like an eternal flame
unending... in Stasis.

© 2007 Mysty Johnson

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Original

Sleeping Beauty

In Stasis
like a sleeping beauty
existing in the moment.
Feeling the expectation
of something bound to happen
and waiting.....waiting...
He has not arrived
and still this heart calls out to him
sending visions of rose red lips
moist and parted.. awaiting
his urge to taste heaven.

In Stasis,
visions of family life
sharing and swearing
pledges to ourselves;
commitment,
a sense of coming home
awaits his arrival
and within her heart is
a longing to consummate
this dream with reality.

In Stasis
the heart only dreams
and visions wing their way
to him.... soft supple skin,
rose hued blushes in places not
visible over cloth
passion that burns
like the eternal flame
unending... in Stasis.

© 2007 Mysty Johnson

[MsJacquiiC]

The Following Text Is Quoted:

Originally Posted by Mysty

Feeling the expectation
of something bound to happen
and waiting.....waiting...
He has not arrived
and still this heart calls out to him
sending visions of rose red lips
moist and parted.. awaiting
his urge to taste heaven.

Hey MYSTY - this poem speaks of longing... Two lovers anticipating the ultimate reunion so that they may have their own personal heaven...

I like the original version - There's much more description of WHY the anticipation and what is to happen during the union: "to taste heaven" really speaks to me, as I've been in this sort of anticipation for years really. Sleeping Beauty is a nice title for this poem, it gives off the essense of "waiting.....waiting..." Possibly even Sleepwalking Beauty (((don't ask me where that came from LOL)))

In this poem though - I'd loved to have seen a resolution to the stasis - But a really nice write = Thanx for the sharing

JAcquii.

[PaintedDiary]

Dear Mysty,

Such an elegant piece of work here. Very rich in emotion and longing. I love the original version Mysty. The title is most fitting and just from the title alone you captured me. Then knowing your writing style, I was not disappointed with the content. You always give us something to ponder and the message in the poem is executed beautifully and the feelings of longing were crystal clear. I also love the word "Stasis" used, it was refreshing and added that depth we have come to love in your poetry.....that Mysty magic. Bravo Mysty!

PD

[erikestabrook]

very nice I'd have to say it makes me a geek but the word stasis was key and framed the scenario very well

[JolieH]

I love Sleeping Beauty. It is my favorite of the classic, waiting for prince charming, fairy tales. Isn't she a timeless beauty suspended in a state of stasis. I like the first version too.

[Mysty]

*sighs* ...... I like both versions but more and more become partial to the rewrite. I was told that the "Urge to taste heaven" is cliche'd and yes I can see it being a cliche' to use the word heaven in conjunction with pleasure but... any word I use there in place of heaven will also be cliche'd so I took the word out all together and left it to each readers interpretation. meh I still think it needs works ..... or is this the eternal self editor in me reacting excessively? Thank You for the wonderful comments Ms.Jacquii, Kim, Erik, and Jolie. I will think on this some more I guess.


Mysty

[MsJacquiiC]

Hmmm - Cliche or not - I think the phrase "taste heaven" offers a wonderful imagery to the poem and is layered quite nicely into the Sleeping Beauty motif

Jacquii.