v3sista

Let’s Talk Relationships

Most of us choose to be w/ someone, we are not looking to be alone. So why is it that we find ourselves in short-term manliness relationships? Is it the superficial beast w/ in us? What do we base our first impression on? The Kodak moment, size/ shape, money, nice car, all things that are situational- things that can change. What should we really be looking for? Things like character, integrity, trust worthiness, then add on things like the job, car… Thinking out of order brings us the fine man/ woman we want, but their ugly inside, or selfish, or dishonest. If we were blind to the visual, what would appeal to us then? What would keep us coming back for more, want to spend more time and get to know a person? What else would attract one to the mind, heart and soul? Maybe these answers are the ones to the lasting, loving, devoted and meaningful relationships we long for. Are we ready for the compromise?

jasmine321123

Hi There...Well I just thought i would add my thoughts to this thread.

Well I had been in a long -term relateonship it was a very loving relateonship and we both had lots in common but eventually we grew out of love with each other and parted, recently i have started another relateonship with a guy and we are now together 6 months, he makes me really happy and we do so much more together as a couple compared to my ex.

I think i have been lucky so far with relateonship and i do hope this one works out for me. but i do agree i think everyone wants to be loved and content, its basically human nature.

v3sista

Jasmine-

Nice 2 meet U. my comments on this: That is hard but essential, so many of us keep hangin out cause it's comfortable- that's when U part as enemies. Good Choice there. As for the new one, No need 2 push something that is meant 2 B. However, don't dismiss what U see, be it good or bad, we all can signs and "we choose" whether or not to use them. I wish U happiness.

V3

Nikos Tselepides

V3sista:

Your question is standard and typical of many Americans and derives directly from the culture and society you come from.
Love in America follows the teachings, which go against truth. Sex, since the USA is run by the Puritan ethic, is seen as evil in the teachings.
As Kenneth Rexroth, a very famous American poet, once wrote:

"When the American couple want to satisfy their sexual passions
the go to a movie".
Rexroth has many poems on this matter.
In Europe, the teachings are different, and people are closer to reality and farther from deception.
And I always remember the remark my American Lit. professor made once in his lectures:

He said:

" In Europe, initiation is going back into society and fitting in, even sexual inititiation. In the United States, a true initiation and maturity means dropping out of society and becoming marginal".

My professor was Daniel Weiss, from San Francisco State University. The year was 1968.

PaintedDiary

Hey Ms V,

I am one of those who really did not believe in love, as from my story. Then eventually, with small doses, I am starting to be able to allow my self to "feel". I analyzed my own situation, and realized that I was shutting love out, and put up the toughest walls my heart could handle. I was safe and secure in my own carapace. Things are changing slowly, as I leaning toward letting a little light shine through . Where I end up, I do not know. Just from coming from such a background, I can honestly say, it is a bit exciting. Better to know, than always wonder "what if" in my case. I love people in love, truly in love, and wish them all the happiness in the world. I also know of couples that fell out of love. Destiny is a bitch!

Dear Nikos,

Wow! I ended up quoting your entire response. We appreciate your feedback, and we all learn and grow from different viewpoints and cultures. That is what makes the world go round. However, your reply seems alittle strong. Yes, that is because that is how strongly that you feel about the subject. That is great. However, it seems to me that you instantly put down the "American" culture as to how you were taught, possibly have experience with or a combination of the two. I do not think "all" people should be stereotyped, and maybe a bit more relaxed approach would have been more suitable to my taste. Nevertheless, you are definitely entitled to your opinion, and as I have said, we all grow and learn. I definitely learned something from your response. Take Care.

Painted Good Question Ms V.....

Nikos Tselepides

I know I sounded harsh and opionated, and I apologize profusely. I personally like Americans a lot and some of my best friends are there. And I know that Americans have one great virtue: they criticize themselves more than any other nation does, and that means courage to face yourself and improve it. V3 says:
"Maybe these answers are the ones to the lasting, loving, devoted and meaningful relationships we long for".
Now these words show how frank and strong the search is for self-realization in love, and they show a person with guts and strong morals, too, and the person is to be admired.
At the same time, the words "lasting, loving, devoted and meaningful relationships" sound somewhat inflated to a European, and carry an air of the unattainable about them, or seem (to the European) too distant and hard targets to hit or goals to achieve--he will settle for a compromise, which is what V3 wonders about towards the end of his post.

Further, I was not referring to v3 personally or to anyone here. I was just stating a theoretical view which tries to explain some of the existentialist problems Americans have.
In America, the individual is always wondering about himself (Who am I? -Where am I going?--How can I understand this or that best? etc etc and therefore having more identity crises than other people elsewhere.
I have lived in the States and have also taught young people in colleges there and have moved around socially in the U.S. society and have found that lots of Americans spend a lot of time and energy wondering about things which Europeans take for granted and never wonder about. That self-search is a good thing, granted, but sometimes--esp. in matters of sex--people are misdirected by the teachings they grew up with, and that is something they are raised with and have to fight against. I too have moments of angst and wondering and fear, so I sympathize--see my poem about this here:

http://jpicforum.info/spoken-word-freestyle/autumn-flight-1630.html#post7778

So let not anyone take my comments personally, they were meant in the wider sense, as social critique. The post by v3 is very good in all senses--it just contained a few phrases which made me think of this general issue.


Apologies again.

PaintedDiary

Dear Nikos,

I did not take your comments personally, nor did I think you were personally speaking of Ms V or anyone on this Forum. I was commenting on the "wide angle" view you expressed. Thank you for your comment. I also have taught in college, and also have been to Europe. I have never lived in Europe, I must say.

You said.... In America, the individual is always wondering about himself (Who am I? -Where am I going?--How can I understand this or that best? etc etc and therefore having more identity crises than other people elsewhere.

Perhaps that is true....I have not done an analysis myself to come to that conclusion. I am also not saying that this does not exist, however, I am also not so sure that the identity crises is more here in America.

Painted

v3sista