Altree94

It's all quiet here now. Al has gone to bed and I have time to sit and collect my thoughts. Of course, all of my thoughts are about family because the one who held and shaped us, is gone. Mom passed away today, November 10, 2008 at 2:00 this afternoon.
We all knew that she was going and yesterday morning at 5:30 a.m., we began taking turns, gathering around her. Her breathing was laboured and she could not speak much. She slipped in and out of her dreams as we held her hand, talked to her and gave her sips of water.
Her grandsons went out and built the sacred fire at which her granddaughter gave the opening address in both the Mohawk and the English languages. The ceremonial tobacco was burnt and we kept that fire going all that day and all through the night. Many people came to visit, to speak and to sing in her Native language. Nothing could have been more appropriate since she was the one who brought the language back to the people after so many had forgotten, or never knew it. On our Mohawk Territory the stop signs read "tenhsa ne" instead of "stop" and mom was one of the people who made that happen. None of us will ever be able to see one of those signs without thinking of her.
At 3:00 this morning she began every once in a while, to open her eyes and laugh and mumble something that sounded as if she were greeting people that we could not see. Throughout the day she seemed to be trying to hang on and then shortly after one of her dear old friends came by, she passed on.
I think one of the people she was greeting was her sister, my aunt Nellie, who passed on eight years ago. After all, they shared the same birthday, they both had sons born on their birthdays so I suppose it was fated that the two of them should also die on the same day. Needless to say, their two families grew up always staying close, no matter how far apart we lived.
After Mom passed on, many of us gathered at the sacred fire where we again burned the ceremonial tobacco and offered our prayers and thanks to the Creator. My goddaughter again gave the closing address in both languages and when she was done, a log rolled out of the fire and the fire was done.
The women closest to mom gathered in her room to sing mom away on her journey while her body was washed and prepared for the funeral home to take. When we were done, mom's home care nurse called them to come and while they wheeled her out we followed in a procession behind her, still singing the Native Seed songs.
We all stayed at her house for a while after that, visiting and sharing our stories of her. A good friend and neighbour brought over a huge pot of stew and others brought bread, cake and in sharing this fantastic feast we were able to share the burden of grief which made it much less.
So although this has been one of the hardest days of life to get through, it has also been a good day. Of course there is grief, we love her and will miss her, but there is also lightness in knowing that she no longer suffers. She had been so very ill for such a long time and now her pain is gone and she is home with her mother and my dad and her sisters and brothers. It has also been a good day because of the support and love that was shown by (and to) each and every person who was there. Exactly as mom would want.
Now all that remains to be done is arrange a funeral service that can accommodate over a thousand people. There are 2,500 people on this territory and I think my mom knew or was related to every single one of them! And I have no idea how many will be coming from off-rez. I just give thanks for our supportive community, our neighbours and for my family's help with this!

Update: We had her funeral on Friday, Nov.14 - I was very thankful that not everyone showed up - only several hundred. The Native Women's Association provided and served the food.
We combined and created both a Christian AND a Mohawk service for her which went very well. We tried to keep it short by limiting the number of people who wanted to speak but it was still quite long because everything had to be said twice. (In English and in Mohawk).
So now it is done and I think I'm OK but I still have not yet had a chance to be alone. I am writing this from work right now and will be meeting with my family yet again tonight for the reading of her will. Tomorrow I plan on going for a long walk and I will be back at JPIC tomorrow night because my Big Al is back to work on the night shift.

- Tree.

butchiesmom

OMG, Ms Tree!

My daughter needed my help so I've been here, in northern Indiana, for over a week now. It would, of course, be the week that her husband went to Chicago for training for a new job and the internet went out. Horrors! I was without my online family until Friday, then I couldn't remember my password and had to wait until today for a new one, thankfully, I'm back online and on my new laptop. Enough about me.

My very dear and special friend, (and a nag to boot, lol) I was astonished to read about the passage of your mother. I've read both Kim's thread and yours. I was so touched by your account of your mother's passage into her new life and how your community was there for you that I had to read it aloud to my son in law.

Tree, your mother sounds like she was a very special woman. Reading her accomplishments, I realized you didn't list her greatest accomplishment, the raising of such wonderful, talented, loving children. I have many acquaintances, Tree, but few friends. You, I count as one of my friends, even if you do have a tendency toward nagging, lol.

Your mother's life must've been just as remarkable as her passage so I wasn't surprised to read of the Mohawk ceremony and the memorial spoken both in English and your native tongue. I'm sure she's standing next to you, guiding your pen as you write.

I always say to let me know what I can do when a crisis arrives, but sometimes all a friend can do is be there to listen when it's needed. I can't guarantee I'll be online every night but Friend when I am online I'm more than willing to listen.

Please know my heart walks with you and that I think of you as you take those first lonely steps without her.

Love,
Gail

Altree94

Awwwww Gail! Now you have me blubbering yet again!
What can I say, my friend, other than that I love you like a sister.
Now get back to work on that book!

Tree.
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Awwwww Gail! Now you have me blubbering yet again!
What can I say, my friend, other than that I love you like a sister.
Now get back to work on that book!

Tree.

Altree94

Am I seeing double or did that post twice?????!!??

stardust

My dear friend, Tree:
I offer my deep condolences for the loss of your dear mother. I am sorry that I am late, but it is better late than never. You see, I can feel your pain and grief that you have in your heart for your mom´s passing away. I was also in sad situations in the past, like when I lost my dear mother in 1986, my dear father in 1989 and my dear 2 aunts in our still current year of 2008.
I have no siblings, so I feel that I have lost all my dear folks. I really miss them all so much!!
The moral support of a loving family is so important in our lives, I believe. Loneliness is the worst shape of blue, you know...
I was reading the story you wrote about your dear mother the other day, but I post my reply now. The story is truly amazing, Tree!! She must have been a wonderful person and so much loved by everybody in your community. I am sure, your mother was a woman of wisdom, for she was teaching her native language and traditions to the young ones. Your upbringing with her and all your siblings must have been a wonderful experience for yourself, something that you will never forget. So, I encourage you to write about your childhood and all the years that you have shared with your dear mom. Then, you may publish your stories, in order for the readers to get to know your wonderful life with your loved ones in your community.
That is something that I do myself...I write about my life. It makes me feel good. I have my notebooks full of stories and poems, but I have never published anything...
Well, I have to say bye for now, my dear friend, Tree. You can count with me, that is what friends are for. I can listen to you at anytime. I haven´t been doing too well lately...
You see, I had an Emergency Big Surgery in Hospital in October 23, 2008. I am still recovering, for complete healings take time. Plus, I don´t use the computer much lately, because the sitting position still hurts me. Anyway, I am still writing letters to my dear friends from time to time. Please, stay in touch with me, sweet Tree!! One day, I hope, I´ll be back again...
Now, I send you all my loving always on your way, my dear friend, Tree.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY, HEALTHY AND FLOURISHING NEW YEAR 2009 TO YOU AND TO ALL YOUR LOVED ONES!!
God bless you all!!
(((Hugs and Love Always))) STARRY.

Altree94

TY Starry!
Your words are much appreciated, my friend.
I just missed you in the Chat box tonight - but I will catch up with you at sometime.
TTYL,
Tree.