SarahNSH

A girl concentrated on a brown ball hovering perfectly in the air. Her red eyes squinted and then closed as she felt the air around her humming with the sound of magic. Her thoughts were cleared of everything except the image of the ball.

"Keep holding it, Cassia, don't lose your concentration, and don't forget to breathe," the teacher reminded her. Cassia could feel her hold on the object faltering as her teacher's voice broke through her bubble. She earnestly tried to regain her control and tried harder to keep it steady. The buzzing noise became louder in her ears, and her whole body felt as if it was vibrating. Cassia's frustration grew as her attempts at making the ball remain steady were failing. Her magic felt like it was transforming into sand and she couldn't keep her hand clenched. It slipped away from her fingertips and a sudden crackling noise invaded her senses.

"Release it!" the teacher commanded. Her red eyes popped open in surprise and the ball dropped to the floor with a soft thud. Cassia let out the breath that she had been holding the entire time of the exercise. Her body felt limp and like it had been drained of energy. Glaring at the ball which had refused to cooperate with her she silently let out a string of curses she heard the elders use.

"You mustn’t let your anger get the better of you. When we let frustration turn into anger we no longer control our magic, it controls us," her teacher said. She nodded her head in agreement and stared at her instructor. The woman looked young but Cassia could see a few white hairs mingled with her raven black hair. She had tattoo marks on the right side of her cheek with two curving lines that had three stars inside. The woman's red eyes danced with a calm fire that flickered alive only when she talked.

"Mistress Maui, I was so close to doing it though! I thought I could maybe hold it longer than last time but I guess I'm not good enough," Cassia hung her head with a pout. She wanted to stand up and kick the ball that was lying on the ground a few feet from her. Unfortunately it was guarded under the protection of Maui as it sat next to her. Cassia decided Maui wouldn't be too pleased to see her attack the ball so she resisted the urge.

"I must say you are doing very well and the best I've ever seen for an eight year old I've trained. What you're doing now some Maji women can't even do in their teens, believe it or not. Be proud of yourself, I'm proud of you," Maui stated with a smile. Cassia blushed at the compliment and returned her teacher's smile. She became aware of her surroundings as her knees ached from the hard wood floors. Shifting her weight from one leg to the other she wondered if Maui would have her try again.

"I know what you're thinking and no, you don't have to do this exercise again. You're dismissed, as you know I have some business to do but I'll be back as soon as I can," Maui told her student. Cassia jumped to her feet once she heard this. Bending at her waist to bow her shoulder length black hair bobbed with her movements. Seeing her teacher bow, she raced towards the door. A thin cloth covering the entrance to the room clung to her for a moment before she burst outside. A horse standing next to the entrance neighed to her and she turned to look.

"Toiyk!" Cassia exclaimed. She felt the mare give her an affectionate nudge that nearly toppled her over. Cassia rubbed her velvet soft muzzle with a smile as she admired her coloring. The mare was blood red with a splash of white in the shape of an arrow. She noticed that the other children were exiting the houses and were done with their classes. Cassia saw that the sun was beginning to set in the background of the village.

"I'm going to meet my friends and see if they wanna play with me. I'll come back and if you'll let me I'd like to ride you someplace," she said. Cassia winked at Toiyk and sprinted forward to where a group of kids were gathering. She entered the outer edges of the group to listen in on their conversation. A boy with dark short cropped hair turned his attention to the newcomer.

"Hey Cassia, you missed another fun class. Our teacher talked about the Donestre!" he said in an excited tone. Tilting her head to the side she regarded him with a quizzical look.

"The what?"

"Donestre!" a girl her age chimed in. Cassia scratched her head as she searched her mind for the story.

"You mean that old legend of... what was it again?" she asked. The other kids had stopped their conversations. They wanted to tell her what it was as they all spoke at once.

"A Donestre is like a lion with a man body. It eats people! And it wears this, um..." the boy who had been talking paused.

"Disguise!" another boy filled in.

"Yeah, that, to make people think that it's a person. Then, it lures you away and eats you up, leaving your head behind to talk to," he finished breathlessly. Several of the children shivered at this and whispered to each other.

"Your teacher told you this?" Cassia asked in a skeptical tone.

"Well, not all of it but we did talk about them. She told us they are gone now but I think they are still around! I bet Doneste lure away Maji kids like us without a horse to protect us to eat us up!"

"I think it's just a legend and you're making things up," Cassia told him.

"Nuh uh, it's true! What did you do, make a ball float again?" the boy snickered. Several of the other children laughed with him and Cassia blushed. She started to think that it would have been better to stay with the mare. At least Toiyk wouldn't make fun of me... stupid Isiah, Cassia thought to herself. She tried her best to not let her embarrassment show and put on a proud face.

"Yeah, something that you can't do even if you tried your hardest. I was gonna ask if you guys wanted to play with me in the forest, but I guess you'd be too scared. Especially you, Isiah," Cassia taunted.

"I can't do it, my Mom would kill me. Won't you get in trouble with Maui?" Isiah countered. Cassia looked down at her foot and dug into the ground with the toe of her shoe.

"Maui isn't my Mom, besides that I know she'll be gone later for business. That's okay, I knew you wouldn't be brave enough. I'll tell you all the cool things I found later," she stated over her shoulder. Cassia ran away from the group before she could hear Isiah's retaliation. She saw that Toiyk was still waiting outside of the small study house. Cassia slipped a hand into her pocket and brought out a brown wrinkled fruit to show the mare. She bit into the fruit and pretended that it was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted.

"Take me to the forest and there will be more than this for me to give you," Cassia bribbed the horse. Toiyk's ears pricked forward at the sight of the food and she eyed the girl. It didn't seem like the horse was taking the bait though and she gave Cassia a suspicious look.

"Please, Maui is gone and I know she left you. Just a little ride," she pleaded. The mare let out a soft snort and stared at the food again. Cassia could see that the horse was thinking about it. She finally picked up the fruit delicately and nodded her dished head. Kneeling on one leg she let the girl mount her. She gathered the thin rope reins together and took off in the direction of the setting sunset. She made sure to ask Toiyk to gallop once she passed Isiah and the group of kids. Cassia smiled as she imagined their jealous looks.

~~~~*~~~~~

The forest emerged like a giant against the barren landscape. Her legs sweated from rubbing against the mare's side. Cassia gripped Toiyk's mane as she bobbed from one side to the other. She could see the gnarled branches reaching out as if they were beckoning Cassia to come closer. Pulling back on the reins she halted the mare and threw a leg over to slide sideways. She was thankful that the impact of landing was absorbed by the sand underfoot. Cassia took several sinking footsteps toward her destination. She could sense Toiyk following after her and spun around to look at the mare.

"Toiyk, I'm okay, you can go back to Maui," Cassia told the mare. Toiyk shook her head in obvious disagreement to this and took a step closer to the girl. I won't be able to explore like I want to with Toiyk around, Cassia thought to herself. As she wondered how to get rid of her guardian she noticed the mare's ears flew backwards. Toiyk snaked her neck to stare at the village. Cassia knew that look as she stood at attention and her body tensed.

"Maui is calling you, isn't she? Go see her and I'll yell at the top of my lungs if I need help," she reassured Toiyk. Cassia noticed the mare didn't appear as if she was convinced but her ears kept twitching. The horse kept looking to the village and back at Cassia as she shifted her front hooves. The sun was just peeking out at the flat edges of the desert and darkness was growing. The mare seemed to make up her mind as she took a step in the direction of the desert. Toiyk gave one last glance at Cassia and nickered at her softly.

"I'll be careful," the girl promised. The mare snorted at her and galloped away, leaving Cassia alone. She watched the horse for a moment and then strutted into the forest. A sticky heat enveloped her as she walked on the firm ground. Scanning what was underfoot she searched for any colorful flowers or strange creatures scurrying about. Maybe I'll pick a pretty flower for Maui so she won't be mad at me. I just get so bored by myself and I should be able to explore what I want to, the girl reasoned with herself. Cassia could see shadows moving out of the corner of her eyes. She looked into the darkness to see what it was but found there was nothing there.

She felt herself shiver as the humid air drastically dropped. There was a light ahead as Cassia travelled deeper into the forest. I thought no one lived here... Cassia glanced back to where she couldn't see how to get out. She felt her foot catch on a root and stumbled, tumbling to the ground. Twigs and vines clawed at her body until she finally stopped rolling. Her eyes slowly opened and she saw a large outline mere inches from her. Reaching out she wanted to touch it to see if it was there or her imagination.

Her hand stopped in mid-air as she stared into a pair of huge cat eyes. She had never seen eyes as large as the creature that was observing her. Cassia was going to back slowly away from it but she saw a blur of movement. Something pointed and sharp poked into the skin of her neck as the creature held onto her. His claws dug into her back as he gripped Cassia. Taking a deep breath in she prepared to scream but stopped immediately.

"I will eat you," she heard the creature speak. Her body that was frozen with fear awakened with these words. The girl pushed at his form with all of her strength. Cassia could hear the whoosh of air against her shoulder as the creature snapped his jaws shut. She flew onto her back from the monentum and rolled into a ball awaiting another attack. A few seconds passed by and Cassia heard the clinking of chains. Slowly opening one eye she looked back at the creature. He seemed to be held back by something and she saw that he was wearing a collar.

Cassia gasped as she saw what had attacked her. Easing herself to sit upright she saw a creature which had the body of a young boy but a head of an adult lion. His neck was much thicker though and he had a long, blond mane that fell to his shoulders. It was his green orbs which was what she couldn't force herself to look away from. He appeared small and was only slightly larger than Cassia.

"A Donestre," Cassia breathed the word. Her eyes tore away from the orbs of glowing light and she noticed that he was badly hurt. There were several deep cuts in his neck, face, and over his entire body. It appeared as if he'd been beaten or mauled. The collar he wore dug into his neck every time he moved against it. His arms and legs were tied together by a heavy chain. She could see that he was trying to stand but fell down with each attempt.

"You're hurt, who hurt you?" the girl asked. His oversized cat ears pricked up at the sound of Cassia's voice. She knew that she should be running away but she couldn't. There was something in the Donestre's eyes that rooted her to the spot.

"Men," he replied. His voice sounded young as Cassia listened to him speak. Cassia slowly stood up and took several tenative steps towards the Donestre. He curled his lips in a silent snarl but this didn't stop the determined girl. Cassia knew that he could come after her again with her being so close. Putting on her bravest face, she bent down to one knee. She brought out her hand while she continued to stare into his eyes. Cassia could feel the dried blood on his fur as her fingertips brushed against his cheek. The Donestre flinched at sensing her touch and turned his head quickly away.

"I don't think you're going to eat me. I think you're just scared," Cassia whispered. She could hear sounds of men coming from the house and more lights emerged. Those men are coming and they'd probably kill him. What do I do? Do I leave him? the young girl battled with these questions. The Donestre growled hearing the noises and his gaze seemed focused on the lights popping up. There was a voice inside of her saying to run away, yet, another screaming for her to save him. Cassia saw her one hand glowing a faint red that was inches from his cheek.

"Hold still, don't move," the girl instructed. His head sprung back as he heard Cassia's voice and she placed both hands on either side of his neck. The girl closed her eyes and began to hear the softest of humming noises. She felt a warm tingling sensation flooding through her and leaving. The warmth became an unbearable heat that was rushing into her hands and out. Even though she felt the heat growing she began shaking uncontrollably from the cold. Cassia stopped herself with a sudden gasp and collapsed onto the ground. Her breath came in short gasps as she stared up at him. She noticed that most of his cuts were smaller in size and some of them were gone.

She could hear the men approaching and weakly touched the chains attaching to his wrists. I don't know if I can do this but I'm going to try, Cassia thought to herself. She focused all of her remaining energy into a ball that she quickly released into the metal.

Cassia's world turned black as she slipped into an immediate unconsciousness.

butchiesmom

It's a rough draft but a great beginning to the storyline. You brought in quite a bit of information, such as the Donestre, without doing an infodump, something I have to watch for. You've also managed to show that though Cassia is a gifted student, she goes through the same problems other gifted or different children go through, the nasty inuendos, the outright laughter and that makes her also a bit uncertain about herself and perhaps a bit ashamed of her talent. Very good!

This chapter (with some polish) would be enough for me to buy the book. I'm sure there's an autographed first edition for me in the future, lol.

You've set up a foundation for your reader and I can tell it already ties in with the previous chapter you posted here and answers quite a bit of questions I had. Great job!

hugs,
Gail

SarahNSH

Hello Gail!

As you know I am very happy that you commented and reviewed this chapter of mine because it feels like you're suggestions that you made for this will make it so much cleaner and easier to read. Actually, I gotta tell you the night you reviewed this I got to work and fine tuned it and edited every bit of this.

And, I think that I'll repost this with all the edits in it because it reads a lot smoother. Oh my goodness, I am actually rather embarrassed with some of the parts you pointed out, I can't believe I wrote it and didn't see how funky it sounded. But, that's just the problem with writing and trying to proof read your own stuff... you just don't catch some things you'd normally catch if it wasn't yours.

lol, and I'm glad you pointed out the part with Cassia wanting to kick the ball because she was just so frustrated with it. I would do the exact same thing and thought that it was a nice little thing to give the reader some insight on her character. Anywho, thanks so much again for your review, I really appreciate it!

Mysty

hmm Quite an exciting read Sarah...... from beginning to end.. I want to read more. If a story can pull me in then I want it all. I agree with some of the changes Gail suggests and I have one more.

How about : I don't know if I can do this but I'm going to try, Cassia thought to herself as she focused all her remaining energy into a ball that she quickly released into the metal.

Anyways wonderful Storyline and I am really wanting to see where it goes. Another store I would like to see published so I can have a copy for my library.


Mysty

SarahNSH