butchiesmom

Another skeleton scene. This needs fleshed in and more than a little work but I had to get it written down. Just wanted to see what y'all thought!


The Council Begins

In a secluded glen, near the city of Asailia, a woman took one last look at the stars. Their lights were nearly eclipsed by the illumination emanating from the nearby city lights. She sighed. It would be a long time before she would see them again.

Times would be hard; life would be risky for young and old alike. She prayed to those in the life hereafter she would survive to open the door again. Her people had been massacred, her own life almost cut short. Had that apprentice not spirited her out of the palace as her family lay dying, she would’ve been there beside them.

She jumped when a hand lightly touched her shoulder. “My lady, it’s time to go in,” her friend advised.

“Another minute, Jossa, please.”

“There’s no more time, my lady. We must go in. The door will seal shut; we must be inside when it does. It will not open again until the time is nigh.”

“Yes, of course. I know you’re right. I just shudder to think what it will be like when the door does open again. Will that city be there? So much will change. It frightens me.”

“All will be clear when to door opens again.”

Jossa patted her on the shoulder. “Come. What we do now will be enough to help keep this world until the time is right.”

In the weeks since her rescue she had come to understand what this was about and how it would help.

“The Siikers. Are you sure we’ll be shielded from them?”

“Yes, my lady. There’s no more time. We must go in now.”

The woman took one last look at the night sky. She could see the light of the vehicles going along the newest road built and funded by her family. Ungrateful… She walked through the doorway, it closed with a hiss as it was sealed behind her.

One set of eyes watched the two women go through the doorway and heard the door seal shut. It watched as the elevated door slowly descended into the earth, leaving no sign of its existence. That set of eyes was joined by two others.

The original set turned to the others.

“Remember…”

“Yes, I will.”
“I will…”

The Council had just formed.

SarahNSH

Hello Gail!

This story scene of yours reminds me of the types of scenes that I write for my Novels that I'm writing. Sometimes I get stuck on a dream sequence, something of a character's past, or go ahead in the story that I know isn't happening yet and I just need to get that scene out of my head and finally written out.

I must say that you have a great way of starting out your scenes and chapters... you always have some form of danger, excitement, or conflict going on. This is definitely an important thing to have because conflict makes a story interesting and also makes the reader want to read more to find out what will happen and what this conflict is. You definitely caught my interest with this part: “Yes, of course. I know you’re right. I just shudder to think what it will be like when the door does open again. Will that city be there? So much will change. It frightens me.”
And had me asking if a war was going to happen and what kind of change would happen? Destructive change or cultural change or a different kind of change? So, this was inticing and had me thinking.

Altogether I can tell with the ending that there is more to this and it's kind of like being caught in a thought that you're unsure of how to keep on going with. The ending seems a bit hurried and the last sentence seems to come out of a different part possibly and doesn't quite fit like a piece of a puzzle that isn't the right piece. But, with what you have here I think that you did a good job with it and I liked the scene! It'll be very interesting with how you incooperate it into the story. Anywho, I hope this review is helpful and thanks for sharing!

butchiesmom

Thanks Sarah! Your comments are usually spot on and this one is too.

This is one of two beginnings to Eilia. It might be that it's the only one, but time (and the characters) will tell, lol. I don't write in a linear sense. I tried that and had four chapters filled with flashbacks, lol, so I just go with the flow now. I've written scenes near the end of the book, some in the middle and the beginning so I'm never definitely sure what's going on. I DO know, kinda, lol, that this scene is important. Jossa is in a few other scenes already as Brinn's personal servant and I'm sure she'll be in others. I'm not sure exactly what's going on here, but it's important enough for those three boys watching the two women to form a council to protect them.

It's always interesting to write something and it comes out different than it had begun.
Like I said, my scenes go from the beginning, middle and finish. I've posted one near the end, I think. Mara Goes to the Council You might find it interesting, lol.

hugs,
Gail

stardust

Gail,
The title caught my attention, and I wanted to read your story. It´s interesting the way you have laid your thoughts, although I am unable to understand the whole plot very well. When I write, I usually go straight to the point, as if I will be confronting the facts in first lines. So, when I encounter stories with different styles, I have little troubles in understanding the plots. Anyway, it looks like a very interesting story, and I plan to keep on reading the rest that you have to tell.
Thank you for sharing your stories with us, dear Gail!!
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!! God bless!!
Cheers,
Starry.

butchiesmom

Unfortunately, Starry, what you've read is one of the first chapters of Eilia. Guess I'll have to put a synopsis of previous chapters with each new one pretty soon, lol. Problem is, since I don't write in a linear fashion (1,2,3,4) I hop around writing scenes from all over the novel.

Hopefully, soon, things will start looking like they belong together, lol.

Thanks for reading this scene, I appreciate it.

Gail

SarahNSH

lol, my reviews are normally spot on if I'm not exhausted while I'm reviewing and I make no sense at all. But, I really do want to understand the story, poem, ect. that I'm reviewing and I'm glad that you find that my reviews are spot on!

Well, if linear doesn't work for you definitely just go with the flow and what fits for writing out your chapters and getting them written out. That's definitely an interesting detail I didn't think about with the boys and that you pointed out that they could form a council to protect them, and I'd like to see how you incorperate this into your story.

I like how you can have an idea of where things are going to go and how things can change, it's definitely very interesting and can be fun too. Anywho, it'll be interesting too to see how you incooperate this scene into your story too.

Anonymous Encounter

this is really good, i like it a lot. the fantasy aspect is interesting, i never thought you would be interested in it. idk why i like it though, the character leaves a lot to be explained.