SarahNSH

Hello!

I enjoyed this short story of yours and I think this is an interesting concept as well. One of my favorite parts at the beginning which was some nice humour to the story and made me want to keep on reading was this part here: "My problem was that I seemed to go through men like boxes of Kleenex. I liked how this added a nice bit of humour right in the beginning.

I would maybe reword this part: At thirty-five years old, and having gone through ten failed relationships and attempting more, was the prerequisite to seek out one of the most prestigious (I might add that she was quite piquant as well) Psychologists in the field, as Dr. O’Hara.

Here is my suggestion for this sentence: I've gone through ten failed relationships at 35 years old and I'm attempting more, this track record was a prerequisite to seek out one of the most prestigious (I might add that she was quite piquant as well) Psychologists in the field, Dr. O’Hara. Of course, this is just a suggestion and completely up to you as well.

I really do like how you ended the story as well, and the concept of it. I am intrigued by her dreams and what is happening with her, who is the faceless woman, and what will happen with her and the Doctor? You have some thought-provoking questions to leave the reader with to wonder and ponder about and this is definitely something you need with a story and you got. I'm wondering what will happen next and I'm interested in the main character. I think that you did a great job and I look forward to more dairy entries!

stardust

Hello Ms. Kim!!
You have invited me to read your story in the Inspirational Novelists. So, here I am...
I have read the first part of your story, and the outline is well laid and written. You are a promising writer, and I admire you so much. Please, keep on writing and never stop doing it, because you are doing it so well!! I got surprised about the title and all the intrigues over the plot...See what is coming next...
Thank you, Ms. Kim, for sharing your talents with us!!
Cordially,
Starry.

PaintedDiary

Dear Sarah,

for your in depth review! Ahhhhh! I am glad you like the humorous element, I threw in! I was so tickled to see that! I am also glad questions were raised and Ohhhhh did I need help with that sentence...lololol.....I am going to edit right now! Thank you for taking precious time to review and comment Sarah.....be sure to check out Dali Diary Entry #2...Crimson Bath....lol....take care.

PD

PaintedDiary

Thank you Ms Stardust for taking time to read and to comment! I am trying to be more descriptive in my writing and push the edge a bit. Thank you sooooo much! I value your review highly and tis why I invited you to read. Take Care.

Kim

butchiesmom

I like how you are developing this story...a little at a time. You've made quite a contribution to the chapter, fattening it up a bit. I'm looking forward to see how much more you add to it.

I really saw nothing which won't be taken care of in the next editing session.

Love it, Sis!
Gail

PaintedDiary

Thanks Gail...added just a tad, yes...lol....next Diary Entry is coming...thank you for taking time to read my revision and comment. Means allot to me.

Kim

nomadicrhymer

PD...wonderful tale, as usual...I look forward to some gory additions! (grin) This is going to turn out to be one of your best, because of the build up in this Entry#1 and the fact that we have absolutely no clue what turns it will take...do you? lol!

Some suggestions on things I noticed: (to implement or ignore, of course!!

1. attempting more, this track This should be two sentences...so period after "more". It might even flow better with "I'm attempting another."

2. prerequisite to seek out I think that "to seeking out" would sound better.

3. condescending, and only focused on "condescending, but rather very
focused on...

4. client’s shoes. After having pluralized clients' above, you need to do the same here.

5. Just a personal thing for me...it seems like it would be a little smoother changing this:
vital in my awareness of how I perceived myself, to this:
vital to my perception of myself,

6.This sentence seems a bit unwieldy to me...maybe too many commas?However, I was not prepared for the path I was forced to take, that forever changed my life.
Try this: I was very unprepared for the path I was forced to take that subsequently changed my life.

7. craved for a glimpse Here the "for" is not necessary. The sentence should be "craved a glimpse"

8.This sounds just a bit strange to me...showed me how I should get to know either "showed me that I should get to know" or "showed me how to get to know"

Looking forward to Entry #2...Woohoo!

Nomad