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Dali Diary Entry #1, February 17th, 1949-----Chocolate Dreams
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Dali Diary Entry #1, February 17th, 1949-----Chocolate Dreams
The " EDITED VERSION" is NOT this one and is posts below my thank yous.
This is a very rough draft of the first Dali Diary Entry of a series of six consecutive diary entries by a fictional character named Sascha Sterling.
Ms Jacquii...the LVS first diary entry...
Dali Diary Entry #1, February 20th, 1949-----Chocolate Dreams
Dear Diary,
I’ve been seeing Dr. Sydney O’Hara for over two years now. A highly respected Psychologist, with expertise in relationships, and not so well known is her expertise in paranormal relationships. My problem is that I seem to go through men like boxes of Kleenex. At thirty-five years old, and having gone through ten failed relationships and attempting more was the prerequisite to seek out one of the most prestigious
(and I might add, piquant) psychologists in the field.
Some things I love about Dr. O’Hara are her unselfishness, caring, and gentleness. Never is she demeaning or condescending, and only focuses on her clients’ concerns. When I’m expressing my emergent predicaments, she never interjects with explanations of her own problems, interrupts me, compares her problems to mine, converts the conversation to become about her, or tells how her problems are greater or more severe than mine. It’s as if she places herself in her client’s shoes. She is truly genuine.
Dr. O’Hara helps me to acknowledge and embrace my self-worth. I’m done with men for now and am on a path seeking new beginnings. However, I was not prepared for the path I’ve been forced to take, that’s forever changing my life day by day. {will be adding text here as soon as I sort things out}
About two months ago, I began experiencing something unnatural. Vivid, life-like visions of me having sex with a mystical, yet faceless woman began intruding and (shhh) pleasingly taking over my dreams. This mist of a woman had the most alluring chocolate tone and a very addictive zaftig figure. I’ve never experienced nor considered in any stage of my life a relationship with a woman, however, these dreams were unexpectedly tantalizing to me.
Dreams transcended into reality this past month, and I’m afraid to tell Dr. O’Hara the truth. This mysterious haze of a woman, my lover, has been visiting me every night, leaving behind unpleasant aromas like dust, naked bone, and arcane blood. She doesn’t have a face, doesn’t speak, and is virtually invisible; yet, I still can feel her gossamer like touch and the goosebump chill of her breath. Willingly I submit to her, as she makes my life so sweet as well as parallel Hell with her telepathic control. Even though I cannot see her, I desperately crave for a glimpse of just the umbra of her silhouette.
No one would believe such a story, so I choose to keep this peril a secret from my friends, family, and even Dr. O’Hara. At times, I find myself holding back my lust for Dr. O’Hara also, as she favors my mystery lover in many ways. Interestingly, instinct tells me that Dr. O’Hara is suppressing her desire for me too. It’s the twinkling soft whisper in her eyes, and the way she gently grasps my hands when saying goodbye. I would never confess nor lead on in any way such private thoughts.
I’m caught in a precarious web, hanging on between fantasy and reality. My only sanity is my diary. Perhaps I shall write a poem to my mystery lover. Whom would I address it to? I wonder if she has a name. Am I falling for her? How can I fall in love and with what or who?
Until tomorrow, I’ll continue to dream a chocolate dream.
Sascha Sterling
Last edited by PaintedDiary; 05-03-2008 at 08:25 AM.
Reason: additional text
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Biography: Jacquii Cooke is a 32 year old Black Poet from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As Webmistress of Poetry in Color Forum, she is devoted to the more abstract styles, especially those with a strong feminine voice that center around the topic of redemption and righting the wrongs of past transgressions.
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Hey MS KIM -- I absolutely LOVE the premise of this! I can see how it's a "very rough draft" too though --- The idea though is so interesting - I think though the main element is missing though in this 1st diary entry - The vampirism aspect! It'd be awesome to see that right up front (but I think - Perhaps you're saving that to weave into the next entry???)
Another - is the tense - Need to keep the tense sorted - Perhaps all the text can be past tense - since it is a reflection on what happens... Not quite sure about this idea though LOL
Nice 1st draft - I like and will definitely be looking forward to the other entries - And especially interested in the next edits!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsJacquiiC
Hey MS KIM -- I absolutely LOVE the premise of this! I can see how it's a "very rough draft" too though --- The idea though is so interesting - I think though the main element is missing though in this 1st diary entry - The vampirism aspect! It'd be awesome to see that right up front (but I think - Perhaps you're saving that to weave into the next entry???)
Another - is the tense - Need to keep the tense sorted - Perhaps all the text can be past tense - since it is a reflection on what happens... Not quite sure about this idea though LOL
Nice 1st draft - I like and will definitely be looking forward to the other entries - And especially interested in the next edits!
Jacquii.
Ms Jacquii for taking time to read and comment!!!!!
Ms Jacquii...you not only read my mind, but gave advice on the points I struggled with the most! I did think to have that "Vampire" element in the first diary entry and now that you mentioned it...I will edit and include.
Yes, I was saving it for the 2nd Diary entry...you know me well..as well as the name "Dali"...lol! Also...for some reason I got confused and struggled with "tense"...actually "tense" always is a problem of mine...(but don't tell...oh I just did...lol...j/k).
I am so glad you said "a reflection"...that puts everything into perspective for me and yes....should be in past tense!!
I was struggling whether to have the series read as a "reflection" or have Sascha write in her diary daily, recording her feelings and events as she was going through the last 6 days.
I very much want this series polished for publication, and I am most grateful for you taking time to read and for your advice. I will return with some editing!
Kim
Last edited by PaintedDiary; 04-19-2008 at 09:01 AM.
Reason: added text
WOW! There's no other word to describe my reaction to this!!!!!! I know it's a rough draft and that there's more to come and that fleshing in will bring more detail, but WOW!!!!
The voice, the character, everything is already quite vivid! I can almost reach out and touch this person!
You knew I would be making suggestions...
At thirty-five years old, having gone through ten failed relationships and attempting more was the prerequisite to seek out one of the most prestigious (and I might add, piquant) psychologists in the field.
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by butchiesmom
WOW! There's no other word to describe my reaction to this!!!!!! I know it's a rough draft and that there's more to come and that fleshing in will bring more detail, but WOW!!!!
The voice, the character, everything is already quite vivid! I can almost reach out and touch this person!
You knew I would be making suggestions...
At thirty-five years old, having gone through ten failed relationships and attempting more was the prerequisite to seek out one of the most prestigious (and I might add, piquant) psychologists in the field.
Even though I cannot see her,
I am in awe!!!!
lubya Sis!
Gail
Dear Gail,
for taking time to read and to comment! This series has been floating in my head for quite sometime and thought tis time to post. First, please don't ever think NOT to make suggestions at any point in my writing and with all of my writing that you read...that helps me grow and become a better writer. I have made the edits (and another that I caught) and thank you for that! I am glad you enjoyed this and I will be back to edit this entry.
Love ya'
Kim
Last edited by PaintedDiary; 04-20-2008 at 09:49 PM.
Dali Diary Entry #1, February 17th, 1949-----Chocolate Dreams
-- I absolutely LOVE the premise of this! I can see how it's a "very rough draft" too though 
--- The idea though is so interesting - I think though the main element is missing though in this 1st diary entry - The vampirism aspect! It'd be awesome to see that right up front (but I think - Perhaps you're saving that to weave into the next entry???)
Ms Jacquii for taking time to read and comment!!!!! 
and I will be back to edit this entry.
