butchiesmom

This is not as organized as it should be so it might be a bit confusing for anyone who hasn't read any of the Eilia chapters posted here.

Crazymamma and I are working on this book, novel, whatever, perhaps, maybe, oh I don't know to be published someday. We're thinking this will be a trilogy. The first, will introduce the major players. The second, will introduce one more and involve the training and a few surprises, the third, the actual retaking of the palace and the restoration of the rightful heir (which might not be who you might think it would be).

We're looking for some input. The Five, five families which banded together to dethrone the original king and placed a figurehead king in his place, have divided the kingdom of Buring Gerk into five regions. We have no idea why the families took over in the first place. There's a lot of information here, yet there's more needed to be explored.

We're not really looking for critique for grammar, spelling or punctuation. We're mostly posting this for those who are keeping up with the story of Eilia and the prophecy and anyone else who might be interested in a developing fantasy and hoping they might have some suggestions. Some of the work in parentheses () are notes to myself and Racheul. The work in italics are notes from Racheul from today.

hugs,
Gail and Racheul
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The world occupied by the people in this story is rich (or is it?) in tradition. Rites, of which no one remembers the origin or the original purpose, have been carried out for generations. Only Keirn, the surviving member of the once ruling family of Buring Gerk, knows the origin of all the rituals. They are designed to prevent the ascension of the star child (the rightful heir) to the throne. The Five, the original five families who overtook the throne and thought they’d destroyed all the members of the ruling family, knew of the prophecy predicting the overthrow of the usurper and the ascension of the rightful heir.

Looking for the birthmark on infants was the first rule imposed by The Five. Seekers were placed in each region of the now defunct kingdom, looking for those chosen by the villagers to look for the missing heirs. The energy, manipulated by the long thought defunct dynasty, was enough to keep those monsters (for want of a better word) looking like harmless old people moving from one place to the other. The reason for the ritual of The Chosen (they have eventually been titled) has been lost over the generations. Because of their propensity for continuing rituals The Chosen are still sent out periodically even though none ever return because The Seekers capture them. They don’t know that this is now a part of the prophecy.

Keirn is the heir being sought by The Chosen. He had been a part of the palace for a long time, watching and waiting for his chance to take back what was his. Unfortunately, he fell in love and through that love fathered a daughter. Knowing his presence (through the energy levels?) put his love and daughter in danger, he decides to leave the palace and the people he loves. He wanders around the kingdom for a while, but when the people who know get close, he uses that energy to move to another dimension. There he meets and falls in love (pattern?) and fathers another girl child. He senses The Others drawing near there and places a guardian over the child, Samina. Samina seems to have inherited the genes of her mother and is safe from those looking for anyone who is able to manipulate that energy.

Back in his dimension, he finds an abandoned cottage and decides he’s safe there as long as he keeps his contact with strangers to a minimum. He stays there for a few years free from harassment and feels safe for the first time in a long time. It’s while he’s repairing a stone fence on ‘his’ property, fate decides it’s time for the prophecy to take over. His daughter finds him just as the King’s Patrol stops with a handbill with her face on it. Recognizing the similarity to the woman he once loved, he tells the officer that he hadn’t seen the face but would let them know if he does. Once the patrol leaves, he calls out for Brinn and she walks back into his life.

Once back at his cottage, he realizes his pregnant daughter doesn’t know he’s her father and he keeps that knowledge to himself. Voices only told her what she needed to know, nothing extra. Over the months, he and Brinn have time to talk and to discuss the papers she had brought with her. Keirn had hoped the original prophecy would never be found by the Five or the Usurper but it had and now he had to deal with it. He knew, from the prophecy, that the star child was due to be born and that Brinn carried that child. He could see Brinn growing more melancholy over the loss of the child’s father, Tomas, and that it would be the death of her. He tried to lift her spirits because he didn’t want to lose his daughter so soon after regaining her but it was not to be.

A few months (does it matter how long?) after joining her father, Brinn goes into labor. Keirn gets word to the midwife or goes to get her (haven’t decided on that yet) and the midwife, Mara, takes over. When he warns her that Brinn is really down and her death could be imminent, Mara sends him packing, informing him she hadn’t lost a birthing mother or child yet. He decides to do chores, listening to his daughter’s screams in labor and waits until he doesn’t hear screams anymore but nothing else either. No child cries, nothing. It’s when he knows the prophecy has finally begun.

He torches the cottage in which Brinn passes, (no house stands if someone dies in it) and gives the infant to the midwife with an admonishment to guard the child and the papers Brinn had risked her life to steal from the King and The Five. He, also, gives more instructions to be determined in the future. After that, he gathers up his things and leaves telling the midwife he won’t be back. What does he do in the ten years after that? Any ideas? He knows he’s going to be back because he has to train Eilia, but tells Mara otherwise. I think he does that to throw the trail off from the Seekers. The birth of Eilia and the ascension of Brinn into the hereafter (I think the way she went must’ve been unusual) would’ve been enough for them to come sniffing out the ‘energy’ usage. definitely think that would be case there. maybe he changes his apperance and roams the area gathereing info on how to best defeat the familys and in some way is getting other people ready for battle without them really knowing it till time is right(?)
He had not expected Eilia to be so precocious when it came to the energy (we’ve got to come up with a name for that) so maybe he had not expected to come back until a few years later? Not sure. Yea that could be possible

When Eilia is picked as one of the Chosen, she runs off to her secret place to cry. The creature (a horse of sorts) which always arrives to take the Chosen to look (actually one of the Seekers) doesn’t realize she’s the one it’s looking for since she was younger than the age usually chosen. Knowing what has happened, Keirn and Tomas use that opportunity to make it appear as if she left early morning with the creature and they leave the village, taking everything they need with them. They find another place, possibly another abandoned cottage or farm, and use that as a headquarters of sorts. I’m not sure if Ainie, Eilia’s only friend will go with them or not. that could be interesting to figure out how she goes to maybe she becomes one of the chosen also
(A few thoughts)
Though Samina and Brinn are unable to manipulate the energy (Samina because there’s not that much energy to begin with) Eilia and Keirn can. Keirn uses what little energy is left in our world to make the creature who guards Samina. Because of the prophecy, he knows she’ll have to be transferred to the world she should be in later in her life. She has no idea what’s going on and lives her life with a single mother (or better yet, her mother dies unexpectedly and she’s put in the foster care system) so she has no idea who her father was since her mother didn’t know either (?). (So if, as we had discussed, Keirn sticks around until Samina is ten, she’s going to know who her father is unless he was able to change his appearance, voice, etc in some way)Maybe he is there but not as her father just friend of family keeping eye on her for awhile. She grows up and marries a man who is passive/aggressive and learns to live with it. It’s while she’s on her way home from a quick weekend trip to another state she finally spies the creature but doesn’t understand what she feels when she spies it is not evil but something unnamed as yet. The creature has received some kind of signal, maybe Keirn put a time on it, and know it must bring Samina, kicking and screaming if necessary, to Keirn’s dimension.

The creature takes Samina from her world at a rest stop along the turnpike or highway. One second she’s in her high tech world, the next, she’s not. I’m thinking it lands in front of her and she’s thinking it’s unusual for a bird to land in front of a human when it changes shape again grabs her and transfers them both to the other world. She finds herself in an area without buildings or concrete. No cars, highway, vending machines… Since her purse is in the car, everything familiar that she could’ve held on to for sanity is gone. Also, her cell phone, so she could try to call for help (hmm, that could be interesting and funny!)that could be interesting way toi tie two stories together is gone. The creature, since it’s no longer needed, is also gone. In it’s place, is Keirn and Zare. She could assume that since it morphed in front of her and then grabbed her that may be it morphed again and that Keirn is the result. Might take a bit of explaining by Keirn to make her understand the difference. What’s going to be fun is writing her reaction to everything especially Zare’s words to her. Should we make him a talking horse (Mr. Ed) that only a few can hear or make him a telepathic horse? definitely a telepathic horse

The energy, I’m not sure what it is, not quite magic in the fantasy sense of the word, but not the slight of hand that we have in our world. Deposit of a certain mineral perhaps? (Something which is in short supply in our world but not in Eilia’s. Coal, oil, natural gas? We can call it whatever we want in the other world) Somehow the Seeker’s are able to ‘sniff out’ those who can use that energy which is why Keirn is constantly on the move. Perhaps just the presence of more than one person with that ability is enough to cause them, the Seekers, to start looking, which is why he left his daughter behind, thinking perhaps her ability doesn’t mature until puberty? I’m thinking the voices might actually be the voices of all captured by the Seekers and that they are reaching out to the star child to free them. Not sure of that one. It keeps coming back to mind so may be.

Eilia, a prodigy in our world, is able to use the energy much sooner than she should. Perhaps that’s the reason why Keirn returns so soon. Eilia has told no one what she can do perhaps she thinks everyone else can do it also. He has to return to teach his granddaughter how to shield herself from the Seekers before they find her. He finds a lonely child, one whom is constantly teased by the village children because her appearance is different from theirs. Perhaps her very being is different from them also. He had already given Tomas a stone which would reveal the location of what he desires the most. Knowing that Tomas was Eilia’s father and that he was one of the three foretold, Keirn and Eilia being the other two, he has to get them both ready for the battle ahead.

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Brinn and Eilia are the last two surviving members of a ruling family. Brinn and Tomas are secretly in love until she finds out he never terminated his marriage to some one else. She finds out she’s carrying his child but decides to leave the palace when she realizes, before the voices warning, that pregnant women are vanishing as fast as the night after their pregnancy is discovered.

The voices start around the third month of pregnancy warning of death for her and her child if she stayed where she was. Brinn waited for a chance to run and did. However, before she left, she had found the king’s journals and it told of his figurehead reign.
Brinn is led, by the voices, to a man who takes her into his home. Knowing that harboring a fugitive is death to those who do, she is astonished that he did so. It isn’t until after her death in childbirth that she discovers Keirn, the man who hid her, is really her father.

The voices took Brinn into the life hereafter when she passed and she was included with them to guard her child.
Keirn returns 10 years later and takes over Eilia’s education. She thinks of Mara as her mother but the voices whisper about her ‘real’ mother. She also thinks the voices can be heard by everyone

Tomas is Eilia’s father His mother was (not sure if that's important yet)

Voices lead Brinn to King’s journals. All about the prophecy and the child to be born. King Brugher had Keirn’s parents killed but couldn’t find their child. Keirn hides from those who know who he is.

Stone works only for Keirn, Tomas and Eilia Not sure if Samina will be able to use it yet

All five regions were once a country called Buring Gerk. Five powerful families get rid of the ruling family, and divide Buring Gerk into 5 regions.

All four (maybe more) get rid of King Brugher and break up the ruling families.

For Buring Gerk to unite, the rightful heir has to take the throne. And the Chosen must return from the Search.
Eilia returns to Plateau region as the Chosen and finds out she’s the rightful heir to the Buring Gerk throne.

Cast of characters (sort of)

Eilia as a child.
Regal bearing. Not one to run and skip. Perhaps quiet. When walking between two adults would not look right or left but straight ahead. Teased constantly by the village children. She doesn’t understand why she isn’t like the other children. Perhaps her appearance is also different. Maybe different colored eyes and hair. Maybe body type is tall and slender while the villagers are more short and heavier. Keirn should’ve also given more directions as to how to protect and guard Eilia, other than telling her that the child is special. (Sometimes, just being smarter, or having a special ‘something’ about a person is enough for other children to tease or even exclude another child from their groups ie: nerds)true

As a teenager
She becomes loner but also one to speak out if she disagrees with tradition (another difference). She bucks and questions tradition. Gets in trouble frequently over it. She doesn’t understand why everyone quietly accepts and continues traditions such as The Chosen even when they have no idea what the Chosen are seeking. It makes no sense to her. Even though Mara, Keirn and eventually Tomas tries to quiet her for her own safety, she can’t keep quiet over the Chosen ritual and gradually becomes one thus fulfilling another part of the prophecy.

Zare
Somehow, this crazy horse has something to do with the prophecy. Not sure what yet. Is he yet another creature of Keirn’s? Not sure but know that horse was thinking of Tomas for a reason. Have Zare flashback to moment when ‘energy’ was transferred to him by dying member of royal family. Since Zare was a horse, the energy link was not as strong as human to human would’ve been. Zare can only communicate with certain people able to used energy, such as Samina, Keirn and Eilia. Also, because of the energy transferred to him, Tomas was drawn to Zare without knowing why. Zare is also the first voice Samina ‘hears’ when she arrives in the new world.yes like that idea

Mara
I’m not sure exactly what role she plays in this other than taking care of Eilia for the first ten years of her life. Not sure if she stays in the picture or not. Mara’s one death is enough to bring her down a peg, so to speak. She takes care of the child because the mother passes away while she’s taking care of her. When Keirn gives her the child and the paperwork, she considers it her duty to guard the child with her life. Perhaps it’s her vigilance which makes Eilia’s life so miserable. Though she’s only trying to follow the words of Keirn, trying to keep the child safe meant hiding the child with the entrance of each stranger into the village. (or maybe Keirn managed to change Eilia’s appearance or cloak it from strangers but Mara doesn’t realize it. hmmm!) Because Eilia is constantly being watched, the other children tease her and perhaps decide to exclude her from their fun. Maybe the adults have told their children to stay away from her. Not sure about that yet. Interesting twist perhaps.

Tomas
Henpecked husband of (need a name for her because she might or might not be helping when it’s time for taking the castle) ex-wife. He has an affair with Brinn, realizing after she left what a mistake he had made lying to her about the dissolution of his marriage. His ex-wife tells him of the child Brinn was carrying before she disappeared. She’s bitter because they’d been married for (I’m not sure how many) years without a child (she could’ve taken the child from Brinn as the wife of the bastard child of her husband). He takes off looking for Brinn, years after her disappearance. A bit of a womanizer before meeting Brinn, he changes his ways but not before lying to Brinn like he did all the other women he bedded.

It was after getting to know Brinn that he realizes just how special she is but not before she disappears from the palace. His wife keeps the secret of Brinn’s pregnancy from him until the day he tells her he’s terminating the marriage between them. In a fit of anger she spits out to him about the pregnancy but it had already been a year or so after her disappearance. She feels superior that he’ll never get the child she couldn’t give him. He takes off on Zare the next day looking for Brinn and the child unaware that Brinn had passed and the child had been hidden.

An easy going guy before Brinn leaves and before he finds out Brinn was pregnant when she left, he turns into a bitter, angry abusive butthead. Mostly taking his anger out on the horses he rides. He no longer uses women for his thrills. He wants only one woman and that’s who he sets out to find. Zare notices what’s happening to him and takes care not to piss him off. He even makes sure (?) that Tomas picks him when it’s time for him to search for Brinn. Perhaps one of the things Keirn was up to in those intervening ten years? that might work it would explain some of keirns disapperance

In his travels over the next few years, he meets a strange man who warns him also of the Seekers, even though I’m not sure why they would want him yet unless it’s for the horse he’s riding. This man also gives him a stone which will reveal to him the location of that which he desires. He spends the next few years retracing his steps, hoping the stone will show him where Brinn is. He finally finds the remains of the cottage where she passed and assumes the child passed also but the stone continues to glow even when he leaves the cottage. It’s while he’s on the bluff over the village when he spies Keirn walking into town. He’s not wanting to go anywhere that man goes but Zare has other ideas and takes him into town as well. That’s when he finds Eilia and Keirn and learns about the prophecy and his role in it as well.

Samina

Keirn has one ace up his sleeve. No one knows about Samina. He keeps that knowledge to himself as he trains Eilia and her father for what lies ahead ten years hence. Though Tomas can’t use the energy Keirn and Eilia and perhaps that crazy horse Zare can, he learns more about himself and develops a useful ability (to be described later) himself. Perhaps it’s an ability to finally communicate with Zare. (Could be interesting).

Ten years older than Eilia. Raised in a high tech world brought, literally kicking and screaming, into a no tech world perhaps she has been training for this all her life. Living in a fantasy world of her own when her mother passed and she was brought into the foster system, she used it to escape. Perhaps thinking of ways her world would be different and how she would live without all the convenience of her world. Perhaps creating a world in which people like Eilia and Keirn existed. She could arrive in the new world thinking she’s just imagining everything at first because it’s just like the world she escaped into in her childhood. It’s when Keirn and Zare shows up and touches her she realizes this isn’t her fantasy world and maybe has a small meltdown. Keirn is there when Samina arrives because he knows the Seekers will be heading for the place of energy use and it will show when she arrives. He takes her to Eilia and Tomas, revealing his identity and that of Eilia and Tomas, but it’s Zare that finally helps her deal with the new reality of her world. Communicating with Zare freaks her out at first but it does help her in the long run. That could be fun to write. She and Eilia will be the ones who free those caught by the Seekers. They, the former prisoners, will have knowledge from the past which will help the duo to restore the former kingdom. Perhaps the rightful heir has been held captive all this time. Might be that the King was not killed but held captive by the Seekers for all this time.

I’m thinking the voices might actually be the voices of all captured by the Seekers and that they are reaching out to the star child to free them. Not sure of that one. It keeps coming back to mind so may be.

The Seekers
Keirn is the only person alive who knows what the Seekers really look like. Because they are able to ‘morph’ into any shape a person or creature needs to see them as no one else knows what they really look like. Only those with the ability (the other sight) can tell what they are by the aura they see around the creatures. Keirn knows their appearance only because he was apprenticing under the person who created them in the first place. Keirn had no idea what they were going to be used for. He had to flee before the Seekers were set loose so had no idea of their base evilness. Because they’re made form the energy they can sense anything made from same or anyone who can use it.

When he had to protect Samina, he used the same principles to make a similar creature to guard her. Since he didn’t know about the inherent evil in them, he thought of his daughter as safe with it. Because he had created it without the extra evil of purpose the originals were made with (you’ll understand what I’m talking about) Samina feels that baser evil but doesn’t understand what it is, even though it’s set there to watch and protect her and to bring her through when the time comes.that could definitley work

butchiesmom

links to the different chapters and such for Eilia:
Prophecy
Eilia - Prophecy

Eilia 1
Eilia

Eilia 2
http://jpicforum.info/inspiring-nove...html#post17877

Eilia 3
Eilia - Chapter 3

Eilia 4
Eilia Chapter 4

Zare’s Rebellion

http://jpicforum.info/inspiring-nove...raft-5765.html

Mysty

Well .... I think you have a damned good plotline and a hugely interesting story Here Gail. I am gonna say ....hurry up and write it Gail and Racheul because I don't want it in installments.. I want the whole thing to reside in a place of honor on my library bookshelves.

Mysty

butchiesmom

Blushing.... Thank you, Mysty! I feel honored to have such a review! I'm sure Racheul will feel the same way! I certainly hope we can get it written this year!
hugs,
Gail

crazymamma5

I FEEL rushed now!!!! lol Now if we could just get it wrote haha

butchiesmom